barelywaken

2009-01-16T23:26:00.003+08:00

hold on if you feel like letting go.

i feel like i have never felt this tired after a night shift last night,
even if i've already had more than 8 hours of sleep.

Maybe its due to the fact that i will be on for a morning shift tomorrow.

I feel sick actually.

Well, its not that hard to be falling sick these days,

Considering that;

1) The weather has been've bizarre lately.

Mostly it'll be because of

2) The crazy working conditions we're made to work in the past few days, days would be an understatement. Weeks.

Rostering and staffing have been've bad,

having you to be moving around alot, and it does'nt help when your patient acuity is high or that patients these days tend to be alot much sicker and you can barely rely on anyone especially when you're on shift during the day because majority of the staff are very junior staff whom somehow, never seem to be 1. around to help. 2. available enough to ask for help.

And i clearly do not remember being like that when i was in their shoes.

And you cant expect anything from the already mentally and physically drained in-charge who already has cases to herself and a few more other very junior staff to oversee.

Like i've told a few people, working in ccu, is starting to get depressing,

You seldom get to be on shift with "your" kind of people and you're already busy to your wits and then you're alone. Now, that SUCKS.

I dont know how to explain it all but it just feels just like that.

And its not like luck has been've by my side lately, having been've attracting very busy shifts lately.

I cannot recall when was the last time i've had a peaceful night shift.

but ironically, i very much prefer the night shifts because of the more familiar faces and they're the ones you know you can count on to pull through together even if its just 4 pathetic staff nurses tending to a full intensive care unit.

4 nurses to 12 patients does'nt look like its fit enough to be called "intensive care nursing" sometimes.

It never used to be this bad when i first started out!

Nonetheless, i still love what i do and where i'm at.

but i'm extremely tired right now,

Hopefully, everything gets back in place and someone would get back to a more sane state of mind about the way things should be planned and managed.

Here are the some of the people that still keep me sane these days.

Oh have i mentioned, i'm officially a twilight fan!

I read both twilight and new moon within 2 days each! I'm trying to see where i can get eclipse and breaking dawn from. :(

till then,

cheerios!

The ones that keep me sane at work, minus shah who's gone though..

The cousin whom never fails to entertain me.

And last but not least, the love; my very own safe harbour, my motivator, the one person whom i knew would understand it all. (:

2009-01-02T22:38:00.007+08:00

Party like a rockstar

helloo all! happy 2009 first and foremost!
It definitely sucks having to be back at work again, i feel so drained and moodless. Tomorrow i'll be on night.
My annual leave was AWESOME.
i did'nt go overseas as i usually would.
But i spent every day, drinking and partying.
Which officially ended today at 2.30am thereafter i headed for morning shift at 7am.
A total of 11 days of partying. I dont know what more i could ask for to end off 2008.

Anyway, here are some pictures to stimulate your senses. (:

till then,

2008-12-24T19:41:00.002+08:00

sleighbells ringing.

good evening worldd!
first and foremost, merry christmas in advance because am sure i wont be here on xmas itself!

The past few days have been busy busy busy!
Running around rushing to get presents for almost everyone i know.
Since i've been so busy with work.
So from where i left off, i have been drinking alot the past few days and will be AGAIN in days to come, i'm literally putting my liver to the test.

First was drinking with the colleagues at clarke quay a few days ago..
2 days ago it was this extremely random drinking session with clinton,
and then today its xmas eve!
Partay-ing at clarke quay with the boyfriend and his siblings.
And then on xmas itself which is tomorrow, probability of a drinking session at night is pretty much confirmed.

On the 26th, its clubbing at oBar with the colleagues
after which,
Masquerade House Party with the cousins.

On the 27th, its dear clinton's 21st.
And if i do decide to go, i'll have alcohol running through my very veins again.
And then its a wrap, i'll literally be fasting from alcohol on sunday.
Until new year's eve of course..
And thennn its back to work next wednesday, am on Annual Leave btw!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Okay,
this is to my dear liver,
I am utterly sorry for the sins i am about to commit within the next few days.
But as much as i love you and i know you feel the same way,
I believe in you and i believe that nothing will stand in your way,
You will pull through the hard times and i promise i'll stand by you no matter what.
even if it means liver dialysis. Lol.
Okay, TOUCH WOOD.

To all those who bother reading this,
HAVE A VERY VERY MERRY XMAS
have fun and drink in moderation ! Lol
RIGHT

till then!

Cheerios! (((:

2008-12-14T16:27:00.000+08:00

whatever you like.

Just woke up a few minutes ago, had my lunch or early dinner since its already 30 minutes to 4.
Will mean having to get ready for work in a jiffy.
I'm glad i'm hangover free!
My virgin experience at zoukout was pretty much an experience.
Nesh and i both wished we could have hung around a little longer.
Had pre drinks at the hotel which pretty much brought in the perfect state of high and by the time we headed down to the beach, i think i was almost sober! =X
Hah.
My liver's still working very hard, and thats good.
Met up with clinton and cabbed home at 8am. And was totally zonked out from 10 am onwards.

Not many pictures, but i shall post it up on facebook.

And azhar if you're reading this..
I'm pretty serious about our barbeque session plus "partaking in holy water" session
Or at least we could have a Xmas cum preNew year dinner and then head somewhere for drinks.

Anyway about my entire disappointment with the hospital,
i thought about it and have made my plans.
Since i have 2.5 more years to go to complete my bond, i'll take as much as i can get.
Be trained, get my degree and then we'll see how it goes. (:
But i certainly hope not too many familiar faces leave during that phase or else i seriously think it'll be another reason not to stay. But then again, as it is, i m already aware of the current and prospective statistics in months/years to go. :(

Oh well,enough for all that, for now..
Shall hit the shower and head to work. Night Shift..
Sighh.. wish i could have the sunday off because nesh wont be getting any off for the next 12 days!
I'm just taking heart in the fact that its a weekend night, slightly more allowance?

Am only looking forward to one thing now,
KOREA AND HONG KONG!!
I seriously hope there'll be enough people to fill up the spaces for Korea, because we'll be heading off with a tour group for Korea..Otherwise what else is there to look forward to?!
Lol.

Till thenn...

XOXO

2008-12-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

Loved with a fire red, now its turning blue.

when your name is pegged to look after something or an object/item, a process, a system,
and since nothing and no one is perfect, and something goes wrong. And you are not the cause or the reason it has happened(or the person who has caused it for that matter), is it fair for everyone to put the blame on you?

Is it fair for people, to assume that the reason why it has happened, is because of you?
Is it fair if the problem which you never knew existed, which was already there days or hours ago, and considering the fact that no one has told you and that there was no way that you could have known it even existed. Is it fair, if people blamed you for your negligence?

Is it fair, that because you have your reasons for carrying out something different as compared to the usual norm , even though it has absolutely no negative impact and you know that what you are doing is perfectly normal, is it fair that you get screamed or looked down at for that reason ?

The past few days, it has gotten me to realize that pleasing everybody has almost become a serious business, OR ELSE, you get fucked or blamed for it even though you know that 1) it is not even your fault, 2) you slipped, because we do forget at times or because there are other much more significant life-threatening situations and patient centered situations that need to be attended to. 3) even though you know you gave your best.

Frankly, in short, i'm starting to get tired of the way things are being done, people leaving, some people becoming unreasonable, your instituition does'nt exactly give a damn about what you think or what you have to say, their inflexibility, their selfishness, their anal-ness. Its pissing me off and i'm getting fucking tired. Even though its just been've 7 months. And i've got 2.5 more years to go, and right now, i sincerely wish i could just go. But because i used to have such zest and love for this place, because there are still people here i respect and enjoy being with, but because i know there might still be something that can be offered, I still am fond of the place.

But i'm pretty sure my fondness has its time limitations if things turn greyer.

I've thought of my other options, some of them even suggest that i leave the profession in a whole.
But frankly, nothing else suits me as much as this and right now i'm stilll very much in love with what i've studied for, the past 3 years and definitely no regrets.

Only time will tell.
Till then,

Goodbye.

2008-12-04T02:10:00.000+08:00

ahnnyeong haseyo.

((:
I know it might sound crazy, but i really really would like this to go as plan!
Considering the jetsetter in me, nesh and i have decided to add on Korea in our HK trip next March! (:

It'll be winter! And we're planning to snow ski !
Although its still 3 months away, i'm extremely excited and i'm definitely looking forward to it.
So it'll be Korea for 5 days, then we'll be head to Hong Kong thereafter.
All thanks to Cathay Pacific Airways that allows such convenient travelling.
Had wanted to get SQ flights instead, but they dont fly to HK from Korea!

Work was rather mundane except that i was amazed at how much sputum my patient could produce within an hour. Apart from that, it was only when the night staff arrived had i started talking a little bit more.
Basically the staff during my shift were'nt exactly the ones i was close to, and it was a pretty boring and quiet shift i must say.

Anyway, am on standby to be called in for night shift tomorrow. I hope they call me, i just dont feel like working in CMU in the afternoon tomorrow.

Apart from that, payday has officially been've announced to be on the 18th.
Despite the economic recession, i'm hoping our bonus would be worth all the work we put in, not forgetting the shit that we get sometimes.

Dont get me wrong, i dont hate my job.
In fact i love what i do, its just that, well, every dog has its day.

Apart from the bonus, i think i'm even more excited about the trip with nesh next year.
I want 2009 to be knocking at my doorstep like reaalllyy soon!
I've actually started learning to read korean.
I can read like 20 korean syllables and spell them out inits romanized version.
All that just within 30minutes.
Yes, i'm THAT excited.

And i certainly hope SITI AISHAH BTE AZENI does'nt cancel our plans for our USA trip in August. *HINT HINT AISHAH!
(:

Shall grab some much needed sleep, till then,
ahn-nyeung hee-ga-se-yo ! (:

2008-11-23T17:35:00.003+08:00

the wait is over.

good evening world!
Its a rainy sunday evening and i'm back from my taiwan trip.
In summary, i had a whole load of fun!
We visited theme parks, scenic areas outside taipei, went around window shopping, because basically taipei had its entire town selling winter clothings. Throughout our stay there the weather was cold! Our trip to the leofoo theme park got us extremely unprepared for a below 10 degree celcius weather that had us "freezing our nipples off" ; as azhar puts it ! Lol!
The weather in taipei was fabulous! 13-19 degrees throughout our stay.

Unfortunately, to all those who are expecting that we bought something for you guys in singapore, WE DID"NT GET ANYTHING!
because there was nothing we could get for ourselves either! Lol.

Food was good..especially the Japanese food we had. Their Sashimi is extremely fresh and thick, i'd like to say that it almost melts in your mouth down your esophagus!
The thought of it is mouth-watering!

As much as i did want to come home to see the people i missed..I really did'nt feel like going home at all! Especially the thought of having to work tomorrow!
Am on NIGHT shift!
Wish me luck!

And thanks to the dearest boyfriend for surprising me at the airport when we got back!
Missed you!

Next stop with Ying Bing& Azhar;
Korea/Melbourne! (:

*woo-hoo!

P.S: Pictures up soon, but if you inisist, visit my facebook/friendster profiles! (:
To azhar&yingbing, i've uploaded ALL the pictures into my facebook and tagged you guys as well! (((((:

2008-11-04T15:33:00.002+08:00

tough luck

my first night on halloween was bad, 2 events left me fairly traumatized that night and led to the need to write up a memo for the mistakes made. Which i've been've trying to learn to forget and move on. As a colleague puts it, i'll learn from there. but 4 admissions, 2 transfers. I made 2 of the transfers, one to far away island kent ridge wing. And accepted 2 cases as well.

I had a sleeping day following that night and was called up to replace another colleague on sunday. It was a slightly less busy shift, but, unfortunately this particular patient had collapsed twice and he eventually passed on..had our fair share of admissions. My admission at 5am in the morning however, was basically filling up documents and making calls to arrange for a coroner's case for my patient.

And just when i thought the past 2 nights were bad.

I'm starting to feel like i'm a jinx when it comes to me doing night shifts. Like some of my colleagues have put it.

And so, LAST NIGHT, which i'm still pretty exhausted from has indefinitely redefined the word stress.

I started the shift with a very heavy intubated with IABP case. She was rather ill and required very frequent hanging of drips and replacement medications as her serum pottassium and calcium levels were low. She was on basically 6 running medications at handover and of course there were routine bloods and the standard nursing care i had to provide for her as an intubated patient.

I also had another patient, who was your typical post angiogram STABLE patient UNTIL, he decided to code on me. And all hail the almighty e-cart. The next 2 hours was spent stabilizing him, intubating him, running inotropic support, inserting the necessary lines and what not.

Hours later, he was found to be severely acidotic, and anuric. And the decision was made to carry out dialysis.
I freaked out, well not that i'm afraid of the dialysis machine, but it meant a very busy night ahead. Considering the fact that the unit already had numerous admissions! And my patient had just added to the acuity of the unit.
Dialysis meant that another line had to be inserted, trained staff had to be roped in to help initiate dialysis. I had wanted to assist in the entire scrubbing process, but when my other intubated patient's Blood pressure was crashing on me, i really did'nt have any fucking choice!
And top the night up with a few blood samplings, low blood pressures with both my intubated patients, together with regular infusions, advanced and basic nursing care..ecetera. I was literally running around for 14 hours, even post shift. The chance to break was almost unthought of and the moment i stepped out of the ward, i felt like i had just run a marathon.

Call it disgusting or whatever you want, i gulped down my breakfast at home and slept immediately after.

I'm glad i'll be off for 2 days. And i thank all my colleagues for helping me and encouraging me throughout the night.
It was very much needed..i'm extremely grateful.

I hope my upcoming night shifts will be less eventful. I seriously need to feel like luck is STILL always at my side on night shifts.

Whatever it is, i survived the night! And i think it has given me the strength to overcome more that'll come my way.

All i need right now, is theinesh s/o packirisamy. probably the only one who can make me feel a little more sane and sort out all my mixed feelings. Frankly i'm still trying to get over the events on my first night..and of course last night.

Till then..
Cheerios!

P.S: CRIT CARE IS STILL ♥♥♥♥♥
(:

2008-10-31T11:42:00.000+08:00

the last one

CMU was bad yesterday as usual especially since it was straight down to work immediately after the spinner's challenge which i had to attend.

but, on the other hand, there was something to learn.
I dont understand how i allowed myself to make that mistake.
How could i possibly not notice the changes? Despite it being so obvious.

I could blame it on how bloody busy i was, i could blame it on my inexperience, i could blame it on my clinical incompetence.
But i dont know why did'nt it sink through that something was amiss.

And i downright know i can do better than THIS.

Anyway,
Will be spending my halloween night working in CCU today,
as my mum puts it: be careful, its halloween.
I hope my diarrhea does'nt get the better of me in the evening till tomorrow morning.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-29T21:44:00.000+08:00

goodness gracious

today my afternoon was spent in the Cardiac Monitoring Unit.
No comments. One vasovagal and that's probably the most eventful thing that happened.
f-ing eventful !

Anyway, tomorrow am gonna need all the vibe and energy to work my ass off over there because its a fucking long 12 elective PCI cases. MY GOODNESS!

God bless Catherine and Me! Sigh, the thought of it is already getting me all depressed.
I HATE THE CARDIAC MONITORING UNIT.
:(

Just one afternoon shift, one night followed by my sleeping and rest day.
*add oil clare, add oil.

wish me luck for tomorrow,
gonna need it more than ever!

2008-10-27T17:58:00.000+08:00

bitch, you're crossing my lines

its a diwali monday and yes i worked.

Well, in fact, i requested to work.

On a really happier note,

I am finally a confirmed staff..

P-plateless, whatever you'd call it.

And many thanks to all those who have precepted me

esp; editha, hui qing, eunice, liu quan, mylene

and many others who have helped me along the way! (:

Thank you all for your patience, knowledge, yes and even the lecturing.

Haha!

Anyway, apart from me being pissed off by 2 people i think i really detest right now, read: [the boyfri.'s ex-girlfriend(yesterday) and the rather insignificant human being living in my house (today) ]...

I must say that the week was well enjoyed. Had Muni's 21st birthday and had dinner with my lovely colleagues at seoul garden a few days ago.

Just 2 pictures..because i find i look hideous in the rest. Hawh.

Till then,

I hope its a pleasant 7-7 shift tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

*XOXO

2008-10-15T14:22:00.000+08:00

the scent of freedom

good afternoon world,

its a rainy wednesday in usually sunny singapore and its my offf daayyyy!!!

FOR 3 DAYS!

woo-hoo. uber happy!

I pray the rain does'nt ruin our plans of fishing tomorrow at ubin.

Anyway, just realized that the Rugby 7s will be in HongKong next year and nesh and i are planning to catch it. Its from the 27th to 29th of March 2009.

Thing IS..tickets sold in HongKong are only meant for hongkong residents. Am sourcing for places to get tickets which i must say are pretty expensive. We'll prolly just get a one or 2 day ticket.

Am looking forward to the end of October..

25th October: Pay Day

And am also looking forward to November. Check out my Calendar to know why. (:

Had better start packing or else the boyfriend will start nagging like my mother. Lol.

I'll be away for 3 days! Will be at my pasir ris chalet........rigghhttt..hahahaha

Okay kidding, will be at nesh's place!

Already the thought of dragging my ass there is drrrrreeeeaaaddddffuuuulllll..

Till thenn! Hope tomorrow's weather is good..

CHEERIOSSS!

XoXoXo

2008-10-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

Pictorial

Guy bestie.

Snapshots from nesh's 21st

My long decided bangs

2008-10-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

euphoria at its best.

heeeellllllloooooooo worldd!

AS USUAL, work these few days have been alright. The past few days were rather busy days at work with regards to patient acuity. But its extremely tiring having to do morning shifts for 4 consecutive days and sleep late each time i get back home. So when i finally got home today, i was gone on my bed for 5 hours till i woke up for dinner. And tomorrow, am on PM shift, followed by another morning and then 3 DAYS OF OFF! woo-hoo!!!

CANT FUCKING WAIT OKAY!

Might be going fishing with nesh, either that as shah says, lets plan something! Last night was spent at ayu's place for raya and then bowling at pasir ris, before i sleepily headed for work at 5.30 am in the morning from pasir ris.

And the boyfriend secretly bought me a string of "perk-me ups" in the middle of the night(while i was sleeping like a pig) to ensure i do not fall asleep on my patients. There was 2 cans of coffee, one of it was my usual milk coffee, the other mocha flavoured and Australian Red Bull without Sugar. And as he puts it, "you'll be so awake that you'll be working till tomorrow afternoon." Lol!

So the sleepy boyfriend waited with me for my bus thereafter (and i think if there's one morning that i would'nt ever want to forget this year, it'll be today.) I was feeling all moody and depressed because i had to work on a sunday morning..while many other people would be still snoozing away in their comfortable beds. I was basically complaining, actually since last night about how i did'nt wish to go to work at all, considering the amount of fun i could have on a saturday night. But frankly speaking, i still do love my job. Even though it was simply just that 15 minutes..never found myself laughing and smiling for so long, at 5.30 in the morning. And that part of the day as simple as it is, is called happiness. (:
Yes i'm easily contented!

Anyway, i figured i'll post up some pictures that has been've longed owed. Pics from nesh's 21st, ayu's chalet and a couple of other random ones. Oh and nesh and i are planning a HongKong trip next year! Considering that we're not going for our cambodia trip this month. Hopefully the HK one goes as planned. *fingers crossed* Oh and the taipei trip with ying bing and azhar! (:

2008-10-07T16:01:00.000+08:00

swing swing swing

hellloo worldd..
just got back from work a while ago.
Am actually feeling very very sleepy but anyway,
felt like having a short post. weekends was spent in pasir ris, bowling.
In bishan, pigging out at Cafe Cartel with jon, nesh and marcus..and literally i mean pigging out.
And the rest of the days, were spent bowling bowling bowling and spending a night at Ayu's chalet at downtown on sunday.
Work however has started to get a little mundane these few weeks
Have'nt had much excitement or that adrenaline rush in a while. =/
And i certainly hope this feeling goes away!

2008-09-29T21:22:00.000+08:00

hellllloooooooo!

i know its been've quite awhile.
Anyway, just got home from work. Colleagues and i are planning for an impromptu Taiwan trip from the 18th-23rd of November.
Apart from that, work has been...ALRIGHT.
just got back after 2 days of off days.
Nesh's surprise pool side party was a success.
Thanks to all who turned up and especially his sister, tissher! (:
Will post pictures soon.
Stayed over at p.ris after the party and sent tissher off to perth the following afternoon.
Come back soon alright!

Am on morning shift tomorrow, after tomorrow..
Its officially 1 month and 5 days till my probation ENDS.
I CANNOT WAIT. seriously.
But looking on the brighter side, I have completed ALL my checklists..
Including the one due 3 months after my probation. HAWH!

Am getting sleepy..
till thenn...good night!! (:

2008-09-15T17:56:00.001+08:00

even angels fall.

back from work. was supposed to get my PDL done after work, but by the time i got home and was done lazing around. It was already 4.30pm. And the TP post at BBDC closes at 5pm. Anyway, i'm glad my flu has somewhat subsided(touch wood)
And work the other day at the Cardiac Monitoring Unit was GOOD. Wish there were more of those kinda days at that unit.

Apart from that,
Recently, i've been thinking about the issue about how relatives, vent their emotions on the nurses and doctors. As much as i understand that their loved ones are critically ill. I believe that WE, the healthcare providers deserve to be treated with some form of respect.

We take on the responsibility most of the time, willingly to look after your loved ones. WE CARE.
Really. And we know what it is like to be human and humane.
But when i see relatives shouting at nurses or doctors, it really saddens me.
And disappointed.
No matter how hard we try, some people do not try to appreciate what we do.
I guess you really cant please everyone at the same time.

Apart from that,
will be hanging out with the BOBs later! (:
Its been've extremely long since we've met.

I dont know why, but i miss the boyfriend.
Even though I was over his place last night.
Silly. =/

Till then,

Cheeerrriioooosss! (:

2008-09-10T21:26:00.000+08:00

the long wait

Hello world.
Its a beautiful Wednesday night. Work was GREAT. But i fear for the worst tomorrow for i'll be at the Cardiac Monitoring Unit, which spells busy busy busy. After a bad morning shift on Tuesday, I have redefined the word "Stress". Have'nt felt that worked up during work in a really really long time. Pressure is good, but that was too much for me to handle. Considering that i started work with a flu and now, i've been sneezing like once or twice every hour, i swear.
And i'm really considering getting an MC tomorrow.

On a lighter note,
Firstly i am officially an IVC/IVM certified Nurse.
Which means i can officially draw bloods, cannulate you and give medications intravenously as long as you are above 18. (:
Secondly, i have hereby submitted ALL my probational Checklists: 3 of them in total.
Currently its just the post-probational one i'll have to complete which i'm only left with just 4 skills to be signed. I aim to finish it before November if possible.
And now i can only hope and wait that i'll be confirmed.
And i can remove my P-Plate. =/

Alrightey, flu's getting the better of me. OH i went for driving on monday as well..kinda forgot ALOT. Hah. Hope i'll get the hang of it.
Till then,

(:

2008-09-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

twist, lick, dunk.

training was alright today,
might have enjoyed it more if i got there earlier.
All thanks to the boyfriend. -_-
Anyway, but i learnt how to ruck after it all, with the guys.
It was quite fun actually.
Its a saturday night, and i'm pretty glad that its my OFF day.
Its back to work tomorrow.
Work has been've alright so far, but i just CANNOT wait for probation to end.

Had dinner with hai liang, ravii and nathan after training.
It was rather enjoyable, getting to know them and about the team.
And i must say i'm starting to like rugby. I just wanna be good at it.
Need to work on my stamina. (:

Think i shall hit the sacks soon, sleepy already after my oreo and milk. (:

Till then, Cheerios!

2008-09-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

lose control

work was alright,
a little mundane actually.
I dont know why i felt so tired.
Just was'nt functioning like i usually do.
Glad that there were fun colleagues to work with to keep things lively.

And i was thinking of my future plans, like how i'd really want to do my advanced dip.
Thing is, i wont be sent for it because of the in-house critical care program which the hospital deems equivalent to the advanced dip.
Anyway as advice has been given, to complete my degree first.
And then maybe when i'm richer, i'll take a year off work and complete my advanced dip.
I really dont know.

Many a times i wish i was somewhere else.
The place where i've always wanted to be at.
But then again, maybe everything really happens for a reason
And someday, that chance will come.
Its not that i dislike where i am at right now
Just that my interests have always been've that.

And its such a long way to go..
With so many plans to fulfill..
And yet, i'm fearful and i imagine the things that might go wrong.
And i do not believe in the all cliche :" Live one day at a time" shit.
I live the present, planning waaayy ahead.
Its the only way that can grant me some form of security.

RIGHT NOW, if you were to ask me the super powers i wish i could possess

For now, i'll have to plan, hope and wait.

Till then,
Cheerios.

2008-09-01T00:37:00.000+08:00

hello world
yesterday was an extremely busy day in CCU, short by one staff with many admissions, 2 of them critically ill.
Anyway today was pretty alright but found myself always on my feet as my patient happened to be in the most critical state as compared to the rest of the patients.
I'm pretty glad the in charge gave me the case with much autonomy..
because frankly i think i learn much better when people leave me to be a little more independent.

Apart from work, went bowling with nesh and his siblings at pasir ris again before he headed home to his gran's place for the weekdays, and i for home.
And i think we talked over the phone for a reasonably long time while we were on the way back to our respective destinations.

And we talked about our future and our plans, together.
I've always been've afraid to bring up future plans and discuss it with him but after he initiated the topic, it got me opening up and right now, to sum it all up : When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to come as soon as possible. ((:

Anyway i'm not going to get overexcited but i'll be hoping for the best and in time, we'll see if plans go as they were planned.

2008-08-29T19:49:00.000+08:00

coffee buzz buzz.

HELLO world!
did some shopping yesterday and today after my shift.
Work these 2 days was like shit.
Frankly, i HATE the CMU.
maybe i'm just not used to being there, since its only my second day.
But i just feel so disorganized over there.
Everything happens at anytime and literally anytime.
I would say its more disorganized than the general wards
which prolly has more fixed timings for things.
Anyway, i'm glad that my two days are over..and tomorrow i'll be in CCU..
but then again, i've been rostered 6 duties in CMU next roster. Hawh!
*add oil add oil!

anyway on a lighter note..
here are the things that make me happier each day and some things i've bought lately.
warning,this is gonna be preeetyyy random..

HAHA. Birthday Prezzie for Tissher(Nesh's Sister)! I know she does'nt read this, but i think this game is gonna be AWESOME.

The 2nd love of my life for now..my new wallet..i literally fell in love with it at first sight! Anyway its from River Island..bought it yesterday for just 43 buckarooos! I was hoping to get on from Guess or Aldo, BUT, all the designs were'nt appealing AT ALL..Totally love it and its so worth it.

NEXT..CHOCOLATES, within the week, i visited Candy Empire TWICE. Bought loads of crunchy nougets for nesh and LOADS of HANUTA chocolates! I love these German chocolates. They're so darn good ! Irresistable!

And then..its my long awaited SHOE BAG..i could'nt find a pink shoe bag, but this one attracted me the most out of ALL the other shoe bags i've been looking at the past few weeks. Because its got the LIVERPOOL logo. Got it today at just 19 buckaroos!

And next, my great find. Herbal Essences' dangerously straight SHAMPOO and CONDITIONER with Honeysuckle. It smells heavenly. And everyone knows how much i value scent in my shampoos and conditioners and hair moisturizers. (: I mean come on, who wants their hair to be bad-smelling?

AND OF COURSE, my daily dose of euphoria and source of energy. NESCAFE Original Coffee. I never start work without it. Literally. A day without it makes me feel like i have'nt slept in days. Told ya i'm a caffeine addict. (:

And last but not least.. (: Cant wait for bowling on Sunday with you! Yesterday was fun fun fun! *LOVES.

Till then..*cheerios!

2008-08-27T13:36:00.000+08:00

hellooo world !

just woke up an hour ago.
and its drizzling right now. As much as i love the coolness of the air,
somehow, i wish it was optimally sunny instead.
Its my OFF day today.
Lately, i've been in a dilemma as to whether i should continue with my driving or just start saving for my degree which i might either take in August 2009 or August 2010.
So considering the advice people have given, i've decided to complete my license as soon as possible. Besides its just a small fraction of what i'll have to pay for my degree.

And frankly, i'm still undecided if i should sign up for the one at griffith which costs $15ooo
OR
sign up for the more regconized one at SIM-Uni of Sydney but costs 23500 buckaroos.

Sigh, the decisions we need to make at adulthood.

On a lighter note, am meeting up with the boyfr. today for a movie and bowling date!
fyi: bowling has been've our favourite sport(apart from rugby) for the past month.
He has started his 6 months of clinicals at TTSH, and i wish him all the best!

And i, have 2.5 more months before my probation ends.
I hope i'll clear it.
Wish ME luck!

till next time....

((:

2008-08-22T22:27:00.002+08:00

somewhere over the rainbow

OMG!
I AM ECSTATIC, ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD. (:

because..
I FINISHED MY INTRAVENOUS CANNULATION AND INTRAVENOUS MEDICATION CHECKLISTS!

anyway, that's 2 more down..ANNNDDD...officially 1 more to go..
another 1 checklist which is only due february 2009. ((:
thanks to my dearest Medical Officer for being so kind. (:

Anyway apart from that, work was alright,
took care of a patient on BiPAP and managed to sign off the first attempt of that skill. Still have one more attempt to be signed for the care of BiPAP patients.
That leaves me with 6.5 more skills to be signed in that checklist..which happens to be the one to be due february 2009.

Seriously cant wait for all of it to be completed.
And then i work without worrying.
Been've trying my best to think of ways to save money.
I'm overspending like nobody's business.
I just realized,according to my bank statement, I've spent 38k over the past 3 years.
FUCK! 38k can buy me a car or a SIM degree alright!
Anyway, i really wanna save money, but i've been cabbing ALOT this month and i can say i've probably spent about 150-200 alone on taxi this month?!
goodness gracious me!

Okay, i'm so going to save 800 dollars this month.

PERIOD.

2008-08-20T11:10:00.001+08:00

all the things i love.

its my off day, and a well deserved one indeed because yesterday,

was officially my busiest day in my 3 months in CCU.

I took a freshly intubated patient, post Angiogram.

And when he got back, he was basically bleeding from almost every orifice.

Anyway, i'm not complaining, but frankly i'm glad the in-charge gave me the case.

Because, it made me fall in love with critical care once again.

And, it made me see the beauty in people.

Despite having their own patients, my colleagues were always there, to offer their assistance.

And i was extremely touched, this is the best part of being in an ICU, its always teamwork.

Anyway, work aside, i've been thinking the whole morning.

about the future, about us.

I know undeniably, you're the person i'd want to spend my life with, and i know, right now, its likewise for you.

But what happens when i start freaking out about the whole commitment thing and its worth?

What happens when someone strays?

Call me selfish but i dont want to go through a series of feeling down and out.

Because what happens, if years later, you decide to change your mind?

I guess its just me and my paranoid self acting up again.

I get these tendencies where i think of the worst case scenarios in any aspect of my life and it gets me thinking and i start worrying.

But whatever it is, i have faith in you, i have faith in us.

It's almost been've 2 years.

And needless to say, i wish for it to take on many more years.

Its going to be challenging, but i'll take it on.

Because you're the only one that knows me the way you do, so you'll probably always have a spell on me.

i ♥ you, no doubt about it.

2008-08-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

out of my head

spent my off day with the boyfri.

had a good time,though we were at school, was helping him with work.

Headed for a sumptious dinner in clementi after school which left us feeling extremely bloated and sleepy.

Am gonna hit the sacks in a while, will let the pictures do the talking.

Basically, Botak Jones and Authentic Italian Pizza.

YES, almost as good as the one in Modestos, for a way much cheaper price. And it was packed with a generous serving of mozarella and pizza toppings. just that it is'nt wood fired. But the crust used was still darn good. Well, the entire franchise actually belongs to an Italian himself.

Good night!

HUNGRY ALREADY? ((:

cheerios!

2008-08-14T11:34:00.000+08:00

Wont break down

OH andd..

its ONE more checklist down, 3 more to go.
Minus one which is due 3 months after my probation.
But i aim to finish that before my probation ends, in november!
I have 3 more months !!

MUST ADD STEAM ADD STEAM ADD STEAM.
cant wait to be "P-plateless".
I mean to pass it as well of course!

2008-08-14T02:18:00.000+08:00

All i need is the air i breathe; a place to rest my head.

Found this really old picture just above whilst browsing through my folders. It was our first picture, well.. as friends. i know i look like shit. haha. I DONT CARE! you people can laugh your epiglottises and assholes off. haha. =P

ANYWAY. I'M JUST POSTING THESE PICTURES UP BECAUSE I HEREBY MISS THEINESH S/O PACKIRISAMY VERY VERY MUCH. BECAUSE HIS STUPID NOKIA

IS'NT WORKING VERY WELL.

anyway, i managed to find distraction in XoXo, GOSSIP GIRL lately. Am totally addicted to it. i think blair's really hot. *Like totalllayy! Okay, am kidding.

I miss going crazy with you, miss our silly arguments, listening to your stupid comments, the stupid things you'd do to wipe away my frowns, your irrinoying laughter, that retarded look on your face when you're angry, winning your ass over in bowling by more than 30 points, i miss us, miss YOU. :(

I could sing "hate how i love you" and "with you" over and over right now. Okay people, excuse me, i'm going crazy.

Signing off,

XoXo,

Clare Arielle Nellie De Silva.

(yes its officially my full name)

2008-08-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

My huge balloon on my birthday! Many hugs to tissher and nesh!
More birthday pics to come when i get a hold of them ! (:

GENTING 31ST JULY-2ND AUGUST 2008 WITH NESH!

My baby in MY PINK SOCKS..haha.

tee-hee. ME! Lol.... -_-

2008-08-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

Leeches on Skin.

Its national day, spent it patriotically serving the nation's heart patients.
Was'nt as bad, staff working were jovial people. And it was'nt exactly hectic.
Except that the visitors really got on my nerves today.

Come on, people its an Intensive Care Unit.
Not a general ward, or a theme park.
Countless times, i had to remind them that visiting hours is already over and only 2 visitors are allowed at one time. And minutes after that, i go inside the room to find 6 people standing around my patient,sitting on their beds or on the floor eating, drinking and making alot of noise.

Firstly, the last thing you'd want to do is to sit on the damn hospital floors. You would'nt want to know each and every thing that lives on those floors. I could name a few organisms, but i shan't waste my effort.

Secondly, which part of only 2 visitors allowed do you not understand? Our patients SERIOUSLY need rest and it certainly helps facilitate our nursing care when there are lesser people around. Besides it is'nt as nice telling you to go out each time we have to do something for our patients. And each time they're asleep, they're awoken up by a bunch of adults who simply cannot follow instructions, much akin to children.

Thirdly, no young children below the age of 12. And i see adults carrying infants in, and children running around. This is NOT a playground. And unless you'd like your child to catch an infection that might be bursting freely in the air or on the FLOOR that you and your child sit on, then by all means go ahead.

Its so tiring and irritating having to reinterate over and over again. There needs to be a solution to this. Anyway, besides them, i'm just glad that i went for my run yesterday after suffering from 3 weeks of hamstring and quadricep injury. The haematoma i was whining about is gone! And yesterday's run was good. Shall try to do so again tomorrow. (:

Cheerios!

2008-08-07T23:08:00.001+08:00

The storm has arrived.

today, was a jam packed busy day. With never-ending admissions coupled with 2 transfers to the general wards for myself. only managed to knock-off from work at 8.30. And mind you, it was'nt because i could'nt finish my work. Simply because i could'nt hand over to the receiving staff as early as it usually would be. Anyway, the heavy rain gave me another reason to take a cab home and i did. Bought dinner for myself, which was officially my first meal for the day. And finished every bit of it. I was THAT hungry.

Work aside, my birthday was awesome! Met up with nesh and tissher at tampines where they treated me to Lunch. They bought this really huge balloon which i had to carry around the entire day. And yes, i was stared at by many passerbys as if they've never seen a balloon this huge in their entire life. Anyway, lunch was followed by a few games of bowling at downtown with his siblings and his mom. Had fun! And then after much thinking, nesh and i decided to head down to cuscaden patio in town. Met jonathan, ayu and mahes for a treat to a few round of beer. I love draught beer! Once we were high and happy, we headed to macdonalds and filled our beer bellies. It was one of the most carefree birthdays i've had. Getting optimally high made us say and do silly things which i must say i enjoyed every moment. And then, cabbed back to nesh's place. And luckily, zilch hangover for the afternoon shift thereafter. (:

Bowled again, at downtown yesterday with jonathan, nesh and hariee this time. And i must say i'm starting to love bowling! Played a few games of pool after that before grabbing supper. Went over to nesh's for a while and shared a cab home with jon. Could'nt believe i was going home at 12.15am from his place when i could stay over. But did'nt have my working stuff and besides jon would have to go home alone.

Alright, this is getting lengthy. And i'm getting sleepy.
Good night world

2008-08-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

HELLLOOOO EVERYBODDAYYY!
Lol.

Am back from my short getaway, genting with the boyfriend.
had fun fun fun fun. will put up pictures, though not many as nesh says we've taken many pictures last here when we were at genting.
And before leaving, we made a deal to make Cambodia our next destination. (:
Khmer here we come!

And as i was away, Nurses' Day happened to be on the 1st of August. And to all my dear nursing colleagues and friends.
HAPPY NURSES' DAY!
It's my 4th year celebrating Nurses' Day, 1st year being a Registered Nurse. And i must say that the experience so far has been've rather fruitful. It may be too early to tell exactly how nursing makes me feel. Its tiring but at the end of it all, very life fulfilling. Weeks ago, together with my colleagues, we looked after a patient, who had VIP relatives. And needless to say, apart from delivering the usual nursing care, we had to be very careful with what we said and you know the whole PR thing. And after that, we received a card with our names on it, complimenting our nursing care. Its things and people like these, that makes you want to keep doing it. Never mind the few hundred other ungrateful, grumpy, rude or demanding patients that bring you down. All it takes is just one to makes you want to keep going on. Anyway, i shall not go on..not exactly in a mood to talk alot today. But to celebrate nurses' day, i'll end with a very inspirational nursing poem which i love.

Being a NURSE means...

You will never be bored.

You will always be frustrated.

You will be surrounded by challenges.

So much to do and so little time.

You will carry immense responsibilityand very little authority.

You will step into people's lives

and you will make a difference.

Some will bless you.

Some will curse you.

You will see people at their worst...and at their best.

You will never cease to be amazed

at people's capacity for

love, courage, and endurance.

You will see life begin...and end.

You will experience resounding triumphs

And devastating failures.

You will cry a lot.

You will laugh a lot.

You will know what it is to be human

and to be humane.

HAPPY NURSES' DAY MISSIES!

2008-07-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

me is HOMEEEEeeeeee.

cabbed back from nesh's place.
was helping him prepare for his NSL practical tomorrow. I seriously think i ought to start charging him for my tuition services. Yesterday was fun! Work was alright, almost forgot to write report for one of my patients! Thank god i remembered. Rushed down to West Coast for training which i did'nt do anything at all because of my injury. I'm hoping praying and wishing that my injury heals ASAP. I really wanna get back on my feet to being able to run soon. Went home, had dinner with the entire family coz my brother just got back from brunei after 6 months.

It was somehow "nice" catching up and seeing everyone together again. Exchanged stories and updates on life. He was complaining to us about the SQ service on his flight back. As he puts it, their service is pretty overrated. Actually not so much of the service, more of the behaviour of the stewardesses. Oh well, i did'nt have much to comment just that i thought that something was pretty funny, the way he demonstrated how one of them was walking down un-elegantly along the cabin aisle. But i still respect them, actually i have a soft heart for ALL people working in the service industry. So i'm always extra specially nice to these people. Even if they are serving me. I believe in karma you see.

Anyway after dinner, nesh asked to meet in town, was pretty reluctant coz i was tired but boredom set in and so i cabbed down to town. Met up with nesh, jonathan, marcus, clifton and his gf and ayu came along after that. Headed to cuscaden..had a few drinks and some good finger food. I love San Miguel Draught Beer! And then jonathan and i were craving for sweet cakes..soo we headed to the 24hours TCC opposite Wheelock. Had my usual Oreo Mocha Frappe and tried the Berry Chocolatey cake. It was alright i thought..tasted better cakes. Left town at 2am, waited ages for the nightrider back to nesh's place..and i was dead beat by the time i got onto the bus, slept allll the way like a log in the bus while nesh watched a movie on TV Mobile.

Glad i had my off day on a sunday! I LOVE SUNDAY off days. Slept in till 12..went for brunch with nesh..caught a really good tamil movie. haha. Am morning shift tomorrow..and then its 2 PM shifts..and then we're going to genting! And i'll be back a day just before my 20th birthday. I turn TWENTEEN..still a teen alright. (:

till then, cheeriosss!
Lovelovelove!

2008-07-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

i am contemplating whether IF i should get a PSP.....hmmmmmm

2008-07-25T22:22:00.000+08:00

ME AM SO HAPPY.
I'M GETTING MY BIRTHDAY GETAWAY!! (:

i wanna thank nesh for having to sacrifice alot of things just to get the trip going, dont get the wrong idea alright i did'nt force him one bit. Initially i was already mentally prepared to not go for the trip at all so it did'nt affect me much whether we were going or not. Anyhoos, we've made the necessary arrangements, then had pizza hut for lunch. Tried out the new cheesy pizza with sausage thing, was'nt as fantastic as i thought. And we could'nt finish our meal! Then headed to queensway today to get my rugby boots.

Took me some time before i finally decided on a pair. Think i could'nt find something that i really really liked. Was supposed to head over to his place for a while but it was already 7.30 when i was done with my rugby boots hunting spree. Could'nt stay over either as i'm on morning shift tomorrow and there's rugby training as well. Will have to rush home for dinner tomorrow because Leon(My elder brother) just arrived in Singapore today after 6 months in brunei. He'll be here for 2 weeks before heading back for another 6 months. And it'll go on for another year. =/

ANYWAY.
apart from that, I HAVE A F-ING HUGE HAEMATOMA OVER MY HAMSTRINGS. wtf?!
i seriously think i have a bleeding disorder. The only thing that ever happened to my hamstrings was that i pulled them during rugby and soccer. Its not like i knocked my hamstrings into anything. But they look like they were inflicted with some external force kinda thing. And its f-ing ugly. urrghhh. Applied heat packs, rubbed on counterpain, some other anti-inflam rubs and now there's a anti-analgesic patch on them. I WANT THEM TO HEAL ASAP! I'm considering getting my platelet count checked some day, the other day whilst sleeping over at nesh's place. My nose started bleeding at 3am. Thing is.. although i used to have nose bleeding tendencies way back, they've stopped bleeding ever since i went for a small operation to "seal" the blood vessel all the way in 2001. 7 years ago!

Dont know wth is happening to me either.

Whatever it is, i want the fugly haematomas to be gone! :(
6 more days to genting with you! (:
1 more day till my off day on Sunday
Then its AM shift on Monday---> watch nesh's Rugby Match at RP
followed by 2 afternoon shifts..and then wala! (:

And can i just randomly add in that i'm totally in love with Gardenia's Banana and Walnut Bread Slices! Good stuff. Its become my breakfast for the week. Which reminds me, i need to stock up on food and canned coffee for my locker at work already. (: Okay not literally canned food and stuff alright. Just Instant stuff to survive busy days. Basically, Canned Coffees(my daily necessity), Instant noodles and biscuits. Thats ALL. (:

Right, i realize my entry is getting lengthy and out of point.

CHEERIOS!

2008-07-22T16:41:00.000+08:00

i am hungry.

Okay i apologize for the very inappropriate start to an entry. Got back from work awhile ago, and there's so much running through my mind.

1. I really hope that i'll be able to book the genting tickets this friday for next week, because its the only time i'm free and the only time i'll have enough cash. Dammit. *Prays really hard! I really want a birthday getawayyy!! :(

2. Am having rugby training later, my 2nd training in fact. Many a times i wish i could be playing netball instead but i guess there is'nt much harm trying something new. And actually i just hope my hamstring injuries dont affect me so much later since its physical training.

3. I cannot wait for friday because it is Pay day+Bonus. (: Got my pay increment letter last week. Not much, but at least there's a bloody increment.

4. I miss my friends. badly. Hope to see some of you guys really soon. And riana, if you're reading this, could you set another date instead coz i cant bid for my roster on the 26th of August already. Its too late! Unless i'm lucky enough to be given a morning shift.

5. There's so much i have to do, save for my degree..And i dont know why i'm just worried about what's going to happen years down the road in terms of my career.

6. I WANT MY PROBATION TO END ASAP. by the way, i've cleared one checklist booklet today. So its one down, another 4 more to go. DAMMIT! My probation only ends in November though. haha. ZzzZzzzzzZzzzzzZz.

7. I want to shop. Here is my shopping list for the month of August, which happens to be my birthday month. So if any of you are thinking of getting me anything, maybe this list can give you an idea! HAHA.

*Shopping List August 08*
1) Soccer Boots for Rugby
2) Shoe Bag- in Pink PLEASE!
3) Red iPod Nano
4) 3 FBT Shorts and shirts for training.
5) Big Sports bag, either addidas or canterbury.
6) Running Shoes
7) okay cant think of anything else.

I need to use the toilet and then i'll prolly grab something light before heading for training. (:
Chao!

2008-07-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

hello to all.

i must say that i am highly dependent on caffeine because the fact that i have gone without a single milligram of caffeine today has somehow or rather caused me to feel relatively lethargic even at work. Stayed over nesh's place yesterday and we caught The Dark Knight. It was one hellava awesome movie, the best batman movie i've watched so far. Even Nesh agrees so. Had thosai for dinner, his mom makes really good thosai and i've finally picked up the courage to watch and ask his mom about the stuff she uses to cook. I think i've got the mental picture of how to make tomato chutney and the thosai mixture. Alot more to learn though. (:

Anyway, work was pretty mundane..well except that i managed to sign off one of my checklists in the more advanced booklet. Assisted for the first time in the insertion of transvenous pacing.

Transvenous pacing is a life-saving intervention whereby a pacing catheter is inserted either through the femoral(groin) artery or through the Internal Jugular Vein. The catheter is then advanced into the heart and sits just below the triscupid valve. And once its position is confirmed, it is hooked up to a pacemaker(that's where i come in) and the pacemaker senses the Q wave on the ECG and then sends an electrical current to correct any arrythmias(abnormal heart rythms) or in most cases like this patient, bradycardia or even Sick Sinus Syndrome which is when the SA node which is the original pacemaker of the heart (whereby electrical impulses originate from before moving off to the rest of the heart.) start generating unfavorable impulses or the inability of the SA node to conduct impulses to the atrium. It usually is caused by blockages of the impulses or any conditions that can cause inflammation or degeneration of the atrial tissue.

So having seen the procedure being done 3 times, i was more or less familiar with what i had to do to assist the doctor with the procedure and even though most ccu nurses never start on their ccu competency checklist until after their probation which is after the sixth month(that'll be in november for me.) I took up the courage and asked my senior if i could assist and if she could supervise me..and surprisingly enough, the nurse manager was somehow encouraging about me taking up this more advanced role in being a ccu nurse and although i was nervous sick as to what i needed to do, i had very good guidance from my senior and i'm glad i took up the challenge.

Got onto the bus, feeling rather drugged, somehow or rather, started to miss nesh all of a sudden. Dont ask me why, but somethings are just unexplainable. And when i got home, and spoke to him online..he told me he missed me! And asked if i was missing him as well...and that, was the cherry on my icing cake. (:
Apparently, he has been suffering from food poisoning since friday and has been having the whole diarrhea and vomitting thing going on. Apparently he said he BO-ed like 5 Litres of fluid last night and today while i was soundly asleep. pretty torturous huh. And to think that i could sleep soundly with all that movement around beside me. Lol. Anyway, GET WELL SOON darling! And i still miss you! Somehow..wont be seeing him till a week later or so. :(

Am on Afternoon shift tomorrow, and then AM shift followed by training in the evening. My first rugby training was alright, although it has left me with a pretty bad hamstring pull over both limbs. Nesh was sweet enough to offer to massage it for me last night. I can still recall the way he walked into the room behaving like a tranny and saying-"thai massageee". Well, cant really explain it all in words but seeing him do that just made me laugh my ass off. Even till now, i find myself sheepishly smiling to myself.

I think i'm off to bed now, good night world!

2008-07-11T20:18:00.000+08:00

I AM ELATED!
reason being...

1. Tomorrow is my OFF DAY. *woo-hooo! ((:
2. Am FINALLY meeting up with my poly besties after a gazillion years on tuesday! *double the happiness! Missing them so so much! :(

Was talking to aishah and we're thinking of going for our eurotrip after i've completed my degree. (: And i've just got a list of countries i plan to visit during that one month...or maybe just 3 weeks?

Anyway the thought of it, excites me already. But there's so many trips i've yet to plan. Nesh and i will be heading for a short trip to genting again for my birthday on the 31st to 2nd August. (: Badly needed a short getaway. Like they say, even a short getaway, IS a getaway and when life brings you down, get-a-way! Lol. it was'nt meant to be funny. Just trying to justify my reasons for wanting to go for a short trip. I'm thinking if we should include either taiwan or hk in the bkk trip with Lijing at the end of the year. *Ponders!

Aishah also asked if i wanted to go to Japan to fangirl with her in December, but it'll be on NYE!
Still quite hesitant to spend my NYE in Japan! =/

oh well..dont know what else to say. Oh, i miss my baby! Kinda random i know. (:

Later!

2008-07-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

well update update.

WORK - has been alright so far. Okay, who am i kidding..everyday, well most of the days, i'm struggling to come out alive and trying my utmost bestest to not forget anything! And i'm glad that there are many kind souls who are willing to teach and help whenever they can. And for that, i thank god for creating such people. Other than that, was looking through old pictures. And i've realized how much i miss the very friends whom made my school life a whole lot better. I think the best thing about school was basically just them and a few inspiring lecturers. Lessons were pretty alright, in fact i cant remember half the things i've studied. Frankly how many of you nurses can remember everything you've studied in Fundamentals of Nursing, Nursing Science 1-4..DDD..wth, cant even get a quick recall to my mind as to what i've studied the past 3 years. Anyway as far as i know, the only thing that really sticks in my head right now is Crit Care and i'm trying to consolidate all the information about the heart. Other than that, almost nothing else matters. Yes not even NURSING MANAGEMENT which freaking took up 5 CREDIT POINTS of my GPA in my final year. asswipe!

Anyway i'm just saying that working is alot more enriching and realistic. It definitely is'nt all a bouquet of roses, but if u enjoy doing what you do, you'll somehow learn to survive. So to those graduating..my 2 cents worth of advice is that, if you dont like nursing right now, you're gonna hate it even more later..and to those who are bonded, dont be shocked that you MIGHT just regret getting bonded once you start work..and to those who still love nursing..good for you! But things MIGHT..change after a while...and i'd advice u all to find your niche..find a place you'd like to be in..environment is important..and while you're at it and it all seems tough, remember you're not alone and that in time, you'll get used to it, and you'll probably be able to survive anything else that comes your way.

Okay, enough said from aunty clare..Lol. There's so much more i can say actually but to those who have yet to graduate, i dont really wanna scare you..but am just giving you the face of reality..because everything they tell you in school is ALMOST all things sugar and everything nice..not until PRCP of course.

Till then.. (:

2008-06-30T19:00:00.001+08:00

8 Things I’m Passionate About

Music
Critical Care
Good Photography
Friends
Family
Alcohol
Movies
Food

8 Things I Said Too Often

Oh okay
Nahhbehh
Errm
Wah lao eh
Idiot
Shit
Dammit
Die la

8 Books I Read Recently

ECG Intepretation made incredibly easy.
NUH ICU Induction Program Course Notes
RN notes: Nurse's Clinical Pocket Guide
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
The 5 people you meet in heaven
Tuesdays with Morries
Who moved my cheese
Destination Guide: London

8 Songs I Could Listen Over and Over Again

Apologize by One Republic feat. Timberland
No Air by Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown
With You by Chris Brown
Lips of an Angel by Hinder
Sweetest Girl by Wyclef Jean feat Akon
Breathless by Shayne Ward
4 seasons by Boyz 2 Men
Go on girl by Ne-yo

8 Things I’ve Learnt in the Past Year

If you're not going to be commited, dont start
A leopard never changes its spots
Be the best at what you do
Refrain from gossiping about your colleagues, to your colleagues
Caffeine is one of the many best damn things on earth
You dont have to please everyone all the time
In a relationship, only give what you're going to get.
Critical Care.

8 People I Tag

If you're reading this, then tag! You're It! -_-

2008-06-30T17:01:00.000+08:00

good evening world.
today was a rather..mmm i would'nt put it as tiring but it was just chaotic.
It was'nt exactly the busiest day i've had at work but it was chaotic.
Too many admissions, too little staff. Or at least, ICU trained staff.
And to top it off, i took a newly ventilated patient today. Although i was precepted by my senior.
It was still darn messy!
Did resuscitation for a good full 1 hour.

Somethings just have to be learnt the hard way, through mistakes you make. And i guess i'm pretty immune to the words that come out of people's mouth, well at least those who are known to be naggy by nature. I'm learning to take things positively and not take to heart when you know that sometimes you're really trying to get something done right, but it turns out to be the wrong way? And there you have it, you get reprimanded for making a mistake. And like i've said, in there, there is no room for mistakes. Which makes things alot more stressful but like the better friends at work tell me; to just ignore it and to not take it to heart. Well, i guess being able to do so takes practice.

Besides that, am missing nesh so so much, although we hung out yesterday together with his friends. Our lifestyles have changed with him having 2 rugby teams and school and me myself with work..so much so that we only meet once a week nowadays. Unless i'm at his place then it'll be for 2-3 consecutive days. But its just life, and i guess it makes me stronger during the NS phase. Which i'll have to go through AGAIN. urggh. Lol.

Other than that, have been trying very hard to dilligently save 500 dollars a month for my degree next year. I'm still deciding between the private degrees offered from La Trobe, Griffith or Sunderland. My initial plan was the one from NUS, but considering the fact that its going to be a full time degree for 3 years and most of the things you're learning is going to be repeated, i might as well take up the 2 year part time degrees which require 1 year of experience instead.

I think i'm going to take a nap right now, have'nt had enough sleep the past few days. :(

2008-06-27T05:24:00.000+08:00

this is an extra early morning post. by the way, i've only had 3 hours of sleep last night.

Slept at 2 after getting my tattoo done.. and i must say that it is damn painful ! It took me 3 friggin hours. Anyway i was regretting it so much while it was being done. Just imagine getting cut over and over again and getting cut at the same wound countless times. But now that i've done it, i must say i'm extremely proud of myself having been've able to pull through it. All thanks to bestie who waited for me for three hours. With her bf. Thanks guys! Anyway i'll just post up 2 pictures. Oh yeah and i did cry, if u were wondering. lol.

2008-06-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

finally an update.
Well, lets just say i've been caught up in work work work lately. Had my first massive break-down since i started just last week. It was as if the pressure was too much to bear and even though i felt like i was trying to give my best, mistakes still arised and expectations of seniors were'nt met. Some of them passed sacarstic remarks and it definitely made me feel like they did'nt understand that i was a freshly graduated staff with ZILCH Critical Care Nursing Experience and besides i have officially only been there for 1 month, considering that the first month was filled with orientations and training sessions.

That breakdown session which i remember vividly started the moment i got home..i cried myself to sleep and then when i woke up, chatted with aishah and beishan and they both comforted me a great deal, thanks besties..and then the more i thought about it, i started crying over the phone to nesh. I really did'nt know who else to turn to. And what he said was right, that he knows i wont give up that easily knowing that i've always wanted to be in the ICU. And that, I am new and mistakes were bound to happen and that what's important is that i learn from them. And all that just sort of stopped the crying. The next day i went to work, hoping things would get better, it did, but still had my fair share of having sacarstic remarks being passed at but apart from a 5 minutes of crying.. i picked myself up and told myself to be strong and not let remarks affect me.

And now, i believe that every new nurse will go through this. Like many have said, the first 6 months is'nt going to be easy. And i know just why. Because people are always going to be watching you and everything has to be perfect. In the ICU there is no room for mistakes. You make a mistake and you learn hard from it. At least at where i'm working that is.

Today was a relatively alright day..once in a while, there will be someone who lifts you up when another has brought you down and i guess that's just life. I was really busy, but managed to clear ONE skill on my checklist. And by the end of the day, i was hungry, tired and sleepy. But Pay day is tomorrow! *hee.

Till then, cheerrioooosss!!

2008-06-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

today, is the day where my faith in you gets tested.
and faith as it is, basically means believing, even though you cannot see it.
even though i know nothing or see the truth in my own eyes, but if i tell you i put my faith in you. I'm telling you i believe in you, that you will do nothing and everything if necessary to protect what we've built. With faith, comes trust. And i, trust you. I trust that in your heart there is only me and i trust in your goodness, in your love, in what you do to show it, in the words you say, i trust You. And if there's anyone i trust the most, its you. I trust that you will do your best, to not fail me. Because it is only with all this, i can really tell you that ....i. l.o.v.e. y.o.u. (:

sorry guys if this seems a tad too mushy. cant help it sometimes.

ANYWAY, work today was alright. I just find it so hard to suit and to accustom myself EACH TIME whenever i work with different preceptors..everyone has their own ways of doing things and its not the patients that make things difficult or stressful. Its the stress that you get from some people when you dont do things their way or when you do things the way you were taught previously. Get what i mean? And i still have yet to work with my assigned preceptor! Which is pretty frustrating because i have so many checklists to be signed which have yet to be signed. Sigh. I just hope i'll get through things. Other than that, i do like the place, has its variations of pace. When its busy, its reallllyy busy. But i do like wd53 as well. So i'm kinda still in between. hah. And i was late for work today! Could'nt get my ass outta bed simply cause i spent 3 days at nesh's place. Had a drinking session on Saturday. loved the high state i was in..We caught Kungfu panda on Friday. It was awesome! i loveee the panda! simply adorable. The effects were very well done with a touch of humour..i give it 4 out of 5 popcorns! Bought the movie combo set and we both have our very own Kungfu Panda water tumblers! And it has a character on top of the tumbler. They ran out of the panda so i had the shi fu instead. I still dont know what animal it looks like but nesh insists its a rat. Which i personally DONT THINK so.

Well that's all for now. Oh, saw all the year 1s back for clinicals in NUH today..kinda miss being in the wards for that reason. :( oh well, i'll have to wait till end of the year i guess..((:

2008-06-02T19:56:00.000+08:00

hellloo world.
an update as promised.
Well, i did'nt get my tattoo last week. :( Sadded.
But best friend said sometime this week.
Convocation was sad yet great. Nice to see everyone altogether for one, final time.
Stayed over at nesh's to help in for his Common Tests.
Watched a movie marathon with his sister, tisshar yesterday while nesh studied at macdonalds. Haha.
We caught 2 movies back to back. First one was Sex in the City. It was fabulous! Awesome stuff.
Loved the dresses, the characters were so well played and it brought us to tears countless times. Lol. I give it a 4/5 popcorns! (:
And then we caught Made of Honour, where patrick dempsey was as hot as usual, but he's a tad too old for me i believe. Lol. But HEY, no harm done watching.
I love his carefree,charming personality that fitted in really well with his role in the movie. It was basically a chick flick with a happy ending, so i give it 3/5 popcorns. Bonus points for the pretty actress and actor. (:
Did'nt quite like the scottish guy in the movie though.
Anyway, so far work has been've alright. Have another 2 more days of training. Tomorrow i'll be doing AM shift. Gonna miss all my training days! :(
And so, i'll let all the pictures do the talking.
AND I WANT TO DO MY TATTOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

heeelllloooooo...

just got back a while ago..
was out with the dearest boyfriend the whole day.
stayed over at ayu's with nesh and edd.
What was supposed to be a drinking session turned futile.
The Chivas i brought was barely touched, with nesh as usual achieving alcoholic enlightenment at the speediest rate as compared to us. Must be the manjen blood man seriously.
And he says getting high fast is good. like -_-
But like i always say, i love my high boyfri. better than my regular one. Lol.
And so, we all had to wake up at like 8am..coz ayu had to head to work.
Nesh and i went for breakfast at Whampoa. Walked alll the way to Novena Square..
Talked alot, bout alot of stuff..it was really a while since we hung out like that..
Nesh needed to use the toilet halfway, so we decided to head to TTSH's toilet..haha and thennnn..my brilliant boyfriend actually came up with an unbelievable plan to sit at coffee bean and take a short 15 minutes nap..which eventually turned into a 2hour nap. SERIOUSLY!
And thenn, we shopped around velocity mall for a while before heading to little india.
Did my threading, had lunch at the usual place, Food was AWESOME as always.
Then we headed to Mustaffa Centre coz i wanted to buy my addidas body spray, and nesh said he needed to buy tights.

HAHAHA
Alright, alright i was kidding... he wanted to buy those kinda swimming shorts for men...for rugby. Apparently he prevents his thighs from getting schaffed(is that how you spell it?). And SO, we ended up not buying what we planned to get. But instead nesh got himself some vitamin B tablets which he says helps for skin repair and then, we also got a Digital Camera. I swear it was extremely random but yes we finally got OUR digital cam. Oh well, i'm not complaining, at least i have something to use for grad on tuesday. ((:

We were kinda stuck between a Nikon and a Sony Cybershot. And surprisingly, we settled for the Nikon one even though it was more costly than the sony cybershot. Somehow what the salesman said was true, Nikon specializes in making cameras, lenses and films. While Sony makes a whole lot of things. "Jack of all trades, Master of none." And the nikon also had better specifications as compared to the Sony. So i think it made more sense to go for the Nikon.

Anyway, apart from camera shopping, i'm sorry if this post is gonna sound really mushy and all that blah blah blah. But i'm really really happy! Well coz i really enjoyed his company, even though it was doing reallly normal stuff like window shopping. Toyed and fooled around with almost everything we could find in Mustaffa. It has like almost everything! Anyway, i'm just in a super uber good mood right now. I'm ecstatic. (((:

Tomorrow i'll have to collect my gown after my ICU induction finishes at 5. And when i get home, i'll have to settle some stuff for graduation and for my tattoo that'll be done at night on grad day itself. ((: Am looking forward to training tomorrow.
And the GREAT SINGAPORE SALE has begun! Shopped a little today actually. Anyway yes there goes my pay.

So, i shall indulge in my state of euphoria right now.
Sleepiness is setting is as well.
Till then, i'll blog bout grad and my tattoo on tuesday or maybe weds.

take care people.
CHEERIOS!!

P.S: i love you nesh. ((: Thanks for making today so enjoyable.

2008-05-24T14:50:00.000+08:00

OH AND DID I MENTION?

I'M GETTING MY FIRST TATTOO ON 27TH OF MAY 2008. (((:

yipppeeee! Lol.

THEINESH AND AYU, I KNOW YOU'RE JEALOUS!
HOHO.
=p

eh but i hope its not that painful and turns out nice leh. *prays really hard* =/

2008-05-24T14:34:00.000+08:00

its a saturdayy afternoon.
My first salary came in yesterday..
And i'm actually stuck here at home. bummer!
Anyway, work has been've alright so far..Had my first session of ICU training yesterday. It was rather fun. The trainer was extremely helpful and pleasant. Will be having ICU training till the 8th of June. With some shift work at the ward in between training days. Apart from that, i've begun to start stressing out about my 5 different checklists which need to be submitted before my probation ends. I'm supposedly to be confirmed in November 08. BUT all the checklists except one have to be submitted in October. You would'nt understand till you actually take a look at them. But lets just say i dont really think i'm going to complete it on time, and if i dont, i might just have my probation extended and yeah there goes my end of the year appraisal. The next 6 months as many of my seniors have mentioned is going to be tough. Had better start bracing myself for it all.
And then, apart from checklists, I've also been've starting to consider taking my part time degree in 1.5 years time. And that means having to save. I know saving and me dont exactly go hand in hand, however the degree is NECESSARY and i've told myself to start saving $500 a month. And i hope i'll abide by it.
Hung out with the BOBs on Monday, and we were smoking really good sheesha in arab street..*i swear it was the best sheesha i've ever had. And we were talking about smoking weed and sort of came to a holiday plan of going to Amsterdam. Lol. And so, i told them lets go to London and Amsterdam. Coz if we take British Airways, it'll have to stopover at London before going to Amsterdam. And it was only going to cost $1900 for a return flight.
And so, we shall see come January 2009. If our Amsterdam&London-Smoke weed everyday plan gets into action. I'm pretty sure it'll be a hellava fun with good friends. But then again, most of the guys would be slogging for the nation by then, so we shall see. :(

I need motivation to continue studying my ECGs book. urrghh!

Till then,
cheerios!

2008-05-16T10:47:00.000+08:00

well well..
its been've a week.
Today will be my 4th day in CCU.
So far, most of the staff are relatively nice. (:
But am just trying to get the hang of the routine and the things that need to be done at its appropriate timings. Also, have been trying to study on ECG readings which has resulted in me spending $64 for a book on ECG Intepretation. Seriously need to master it well.
Somehow a part of me misses the whole ward routine. the ICU somehow is'nt as hectic as the ward is but basically everything needs to be done fast fast fast. I guess i'm still not used to the way it all works but i'm giving myself 1 month to accustom myself to everything. Next week will be filled with trainings once again. And i'm hoping the ICU induction will aid in my adaptation..i believe it will. Anyways, really short entry. Gotta report for training at 1.30 then after that go for PM shift. Till thenn..cheerios! (:

2008-05-08T21:37:00.000+08:00

hellooooo...
its been've a rather hectic week.
Celebrated chester's birthday, had drinks at timbre, even though i had work today at 9am.
Went to nesh's place after timbre. The journey from pasir ris to NUH is'nt exactly well, pleasant.
its damn bloody far la! But since the boyfri. ASKED and pleaded with me a few times to go over, i did. And he actually was in a more alcoholic higher state than i was despite having the same drinks. But like i've always said, i kinda love my wasted boyfr than my regular one. He's somehow a little bit more "charming".

Enough about nesh.
Orientation today was FUN. It was very service service service oriented. The entire session was basically about customer service. Felt as if i was joining the hotel industry instead. But it was rather enriching and i enjoyed the discussions, games and all that was taught. The trainer was extremely engaging as compared to the previous classes the past few days. Am looking forward to tomorrow's session. The final session before i report to work at CCU on monday. Made many new friends along the way. Hopefully everything goes good. And did i mention? I went to with Lijing(Thanks girl for accompanying me!) CCU to get my roster yesterday and my first impression was: WOW.

The staff there seemed really friendly and a few of them were really helpful when i approached them and the Nursing Manager(NM)&Nursing Clinician(NC) seemed really nice. In fact it was "too nice to be true". Considering the fact the NMs and NCs have always been stereotyped to be as : strict, stern and very regimental. But they changed my impression and sort of allayed my anxiety of stepping into a "foreign place". Even lijing was kinda impressed. But being the pessimist that i am when it comes to people, i told her that looks or first impressions can sometimes be deceiving and i did'nt want to keep my expectations too high or be too happy too fast. But the warmth that i felt when i stepped in there in addition to the friendliness of the staff, it felt really good. I just hope it'll be this way when i start working there. =/

I'm kinda sleepy since i've only managed 4 hours of sleep last night..So i shall do myself a favour and hit the sacks soon. Wish me luck people! Till then...cheeriosss!! ((:

2008-05-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

Its a tuesday.
Work has been alright, with alot of corporate information being taught and instilled in us.
Today was slightly less mundane as compared to yesterday.
I still have yet to go to CCU to check my roster and reporting time for next week.
And as i have previously thought that CCU in NUH means "Coronary Care Unit"
It actually is an abbreviation for Cardiac Care Unit. We still do the same things as i've mentioned in my previous posts.
Oh well, anyway..was pretty happy when i met beishan on the way home today.
Think the last i saw her was like prom night? We caught up on the bus to harbourfront while i made a detour back home.
So i've been thinking alot lately. I'm quite excited at the same time dead nervous of how my first day in there on monday is going to be like. Whatever it is, i must try to adapt to the environment as soon as possible, learn as much as possible, study really hard..well basically just have to work my ass off. I hope i like it there, seriously.
Just got information on plans that NUH is going to go through a major renovation over the many years to come. Actually took a new look at the new proposed buildings and i must say, it looks awesome. Possibly the best-looking hospital you'll ever see in bout lets say 10 years to come? haha. But it really looks good. Well lets just see how things go in 10 years and whether i stay on in NUH after 10 years is another question. ((: I'll be like what..30 years old?
=/

anyway , time to sign out. Gotta be up at 6.30 tomorrow.
Till next time.
Cheerios!

2008-05-05T00:06:00.000+08:00

its 7 hours before i report for work at NUH.
My first day as an official Staff Nurse.
I'm pretty excited yet nervous, worried and what not.
I dont know if i'm going to make it or break it.
But I'm keeping my hopes up.
This IS the beginning of a new chapter of my life.
As i embark into being an adult, even while i'm not even 20.
The responsibilities i'm about to shoulder and bear will be at a greater magnitude than what i've had previously.
And I've been pressured by lecturers, friends.
And i've convinced myself that no matter what, this IS what i've always wanted and that i must brave through it, and I MUST come out of it strong.
And nothing, NOTHING, should affect my career. At least not right now.
So, till then..Wish me Luck.
Off to get some sleep. I shall try to at least before the excitement and nervousness takes control of me.

P.S: You're my friend, my strength and my love. And i thank you for all your support you have given me. I would'nt be what i'm made of right now, without you. I love you baby.

Good night world

this is,
STAFF NURSE CLARE signing Out. ((:

2008-04-30T16:43:00.000+08:00

hellooo.
its 5pm now. Just got back from the vet at clementi. Had to bring bush to see the vet coz just a few days ago, we sort of noticed him limping. And found out that his cartilage was actually wearing off at his left hind leg. He was given an injection to promote cartilage healing and some analgesics. Bush was such a brave boy!
Anyway, I just cant help but keep telling myself that Singapore is really damn boring! There is absolutely nothing exciting to do or to see. So i spent my saturday helping out at glasshouse and on sunday, met nesh in town before heading to downtown east to check out the new mall. It was alright, relatively small. but at least it had a cinema and NEW YORK NEW YORK! Caught the forbidden kingdom(again) with nesh, tisshar and hariee, stayed over his place and got back on monday morning. Monday was basically spent watching movies and grey's anatomy at home.

And YESTERDAY, was probably the highlight of the week or possibly the month apart from phuket of course. Met nesh for lunch at bukit panjang, before we went separate ways. I decided i needed to get just a tube top from bugis. And that lead to me spending more than $220 on shopping. Lets just say i've spent more than $600 this month on shopping already in phuket as well as in singapore. Anyway, i'm really glad i went on a shopping spree yesterday. Its been've ages since i've actually shopped like that, considering the fact that i am NOT an impulsive buyer.
I guess it kinda makes up for all the times i've fallen short of my shopping frenzies.

I finally bought my bag, though it was'nt as nice as the Aldo one i saw at bugis. Which cost $97. Maybe when i actually start earning proper income when i start work, i'll consider buying that. Bought 2 dresses and a boyfriend shirt! Something i've wanted to get for a while. Bought shoes for my convocation and girly slippers with a flower on top. Something to replace the one i bought from bangkok which broke a few months ago! Oh and i bought a belt as well.
Had initially wanted to get some skirts, but nothing caught my eye. But I really like the one at Fox. The one in a pale yellow shade. Just did'nt have the time to get it as i was rushing for work after that. I reached gh at 7pm when i was supposed to start at 6!

Anyway, the week is kinda packed with activities and i'm glad because next week, is my official commencement date for work at NUH. A totally new experience and a new life ahead. If i actually am posted to CCU as beishan told me, i'd have alot of learning to do and basically it'll be back to books again. I hope all goes well, that i'll meet nice colleagues, patients and relatives. Okay, thats almost impossible. I just need nice colleagues, that's all that'll matter.

And i'm officially on a diet regime and have been religiously following it for the past 6 days. Will need to go for my run tonight. And later am finally meeting the BOBs! miss them loads! Looking forward to dinner with them. (:

2008-04-23T15:32:00.000+08:00

helloos!
I am back from beautiful Phuket. (:
So here's a few updates with some pictures, with the rest of it.
you can check out my friendster. there's an album of the trip.

19th April 2008
Met nesh at his place around 2 plus, waited for him to finish his dinner before we headed to the airport. Check in queue was empty because we were there pretty early! Anyhoos, visited kumara at fish&co and we had pasta&shrimp salad, mushroom salad, Sharkie Freeze and a Hot fudge chocolate with vanilla ice-cream. Went to the DFS at T1 to meet nesh's mom. We decided to get pre-orders for our liquours. And because his mom works in the dfs, we got 25% off our liquours! Then headed back to T2 for departure. Did'nt get to walk around the airport due to time constraints. Flight was uneventful. Reached our hotel at around 8pm Phuket time. Decided to just roam around the place for a while since there was'nt much we could do. Saw a plentiful of trannies and what not. I like how the place is so very cosomopolitan! And we actually got high on our first night. Beers there are dirt cheap. A big bottle of Singha costs us just 1.50 cents- Singapore dollars. while beers are cheap, almost everything else was a little pricey. I also started having a flu and eventually felt feverish and stuff. urrgh

20th April 2008

woke up in the late morning, headed for phuket city. Basically spent the ENTIRE day shopping in phuket city. Had some educational experiences like learning how Pearls are formed in clams and actually WATCHING a gold-smith construct rings and jewellery! it was awesome. The sunday market had a fare of local delights which never failed to overwhelm me! Everything seemed so yummy! From Mango sticky rice to Large barbequed squids to even fried insects. Okay the fried insects did'nt seem too appetizing. We were dead tired from all the walking and shopping. And yes, my boyfriend CAN shop like crazy. i think we're both shopaholics when we have the cash. Lol. So we headed back to Patong beach, bout 30 minutes from the city. Headed to our hotel, shopped around AGAIN at the market near our place and we headed for a HOUR long massage at 12am-phuket time. It was Sooo relaxing and darn good! haha just that nesh seemed to be in agony a few points in time. hahaha

My Tom Yam Seh Lek! ((: YUMMY

Koh Siew Mamuang! Mango Sticky rice. Simply delectable!

At the massage parlour.

My masseuse

beware! Lol

21st April 2008

we had to wake up early morning, took the scheduled minibus to the Rassada Harbour near Phuket City. Boarded the speedboat to Phi Phi Island and a few other beaches. Basically it was the highlight of the trip. Really awesome time, hopping from beaches to beaches. Swimming and snorkelling. At one point in time, we actually saw like a sandbed filled with SEA URCHINS. Like wtf! i started freaking out and swimming back to where most of them were snorkelling at. And then, at Maya Beach..nesh was saying that when he ventured out into deeper waters, i happened to somewhere else looking for him! And he said he saw this silver and blue fish about 1-metre long(he swears upon that) and suddenly there was like 2-3 other of the same fish joining it..all of the same size. And he said that they were giving him that "why are u in my territory" kinda look..and seeing that..he said he swam for his life back to where the boat was. Lol. wth right! but hearing it was kinda freaky as well...he said it could be a barracuda! We also had a buffet lunch at phi phi dom, food was good and the speedboat headed back for phuket at around 2pm-phuket time and by the time we got back at the hotel, it was bout 2 hours later and I WAS SUNBURNT. i swear i had the worst sunburn in my entire life and i was as red as a lobster. as nesh puts it, it was a weird tan and looks like an "ang-moh" tan. Or caucasian tan. Anyway we were dead tired but did'nt want to spend our last night in the hotel. So we walked to jungceylon, the nearest shopping centre, shopped a little, for souvenirs and had a feast of good dinner. And we caught a movie at their local theatres. Watched the forbidden kingdom ! Pretty good. Action packed and funny. I give it 3 out of 5 popcorns! headed back to the hotel late in the morning. Watched 2 episodes of House on tv before heading out for supper or early breakfast at 4Am in the morning. And thenn, i started having diarrhea. like urggh!!

On the Speedboat.

At Khai Island, where i saw the scary sea urchins!

Loved the Sun,Sand and Sea. (:

At Phi Phi Dom.

At Maya Beach- BEAUTIFUL !!

Check out the fishes! Snorkelling off the coast of Maya Beach.

My ugly sunburn :(

22nd April 2008

Our last day! I was kinda cranky and stuff..did'nt exactly wanna go home. had lunch, i did a pedicure and cabbed to the airport..we were there extremely early and there was'nt much to do. So we grabbed some bites and headed to a sitting area where we just talked and watched CNN for like more than an hour before boarding our flight. hated the flight back home simply because it was a bit too noisy for my liking. This bunch of passengers were extremely loud and noisy and the cabin crew were well..laughing and talking a tad too loudly for my sleepy, cranky-i-dont-want-to-go-home mood. And for the last 30 minutes of the flight, my sensitive ears worked up on me due to the air pressure so much so that it became unbearable and add on the noise and everything else..got me wanting to touch down as soon as possible! At changi, we collected our liquours and headed home. Kinda started to miss him when we were in the bus to pasir ris. :(

Our last meal in Phuket!

At Phuket International Airport.

Leaving Phuket! *sobs! :(

And Now, i am hungry. shall go grab some food. (: And i'm contemplating of switching to livejournal or wordpress. hmmmmmm.....

2008-04-19T01:56:00.000+08:00

its today! well, in about 12 hours, we'll be off to phuket!
Cant wait!
Just finished up with all my packing. I hope i have'nt forgotten anything.
been've looking at a few camera models. (:
I'm still thinking if i should get a DSLR or the normal compact digicams.
Might wanna get one next month. Nesh and i thought of getting a shared camera, since both of us are'nt much of camwhores except only when the occassion calls for like holidays or events.
I'm trying to get some sleep, but my brain just would'nt send the "go and sleep" message to the remaining body parts. I guess its just pure excitement over the trip. But i'll have to be up really really early tomorrow to get to nesh's place at around 1pm! That means waking up at 10am to get ready and leaving my place at 11.30. I have a fuzzy wuzzy feeling i might have to do some of his last minute packing, as usual.

Anyhoos, day today was rather, mundane. Stayed home the WHOLE afternoon. was supposed to meet up with the BOBs but somehow no one seemed to be free. Also, was supposed to meet the bestie-tiffany, but plans were cancelled. So i met nesh after school for subway dinner at bpp. Anything tastes good when you're starved for a day! Lol.
Walked around the pathetic little mall before heading home.

Oh have i mentioned!? I wanna eat seoul garden!! I dont know why i have this sudden cravings for eating at Seoul Garden, eating at a Sushi Bar like Sakae Sushi andddd RAMEN! Its been've donkey monkey years since i've ate ramen and i think i might grab a bowl of it at the airport later! ((:

am off tooo bedduuu noww!
good night world!

2008-04-17T01:42:00.000+08:00

its 1.43 AM and a thursday.
It seems so long till Saturday arrives. Although its just 2 days.
Just 2 more days till nesh and i fly off to phuket, for my final break before NUH officially owns my ass.
I'm still kinda upset that SilkAir delayed our departing flights to phuket to 7PM, which means lesser time for the both of us. Dammit. But I dont exactly have a choice do i. *tsktsktsk.
Anyway, the past few days have been pretty..well alright.
Been cleaning up my room, Mummy insists i clean it up before i leave and yeah coming up with a shopping list and trying to pack as light as possible so that i dont have to drag a luggage bag to the airport on Saturday. And SO, i've managed to get down to just the bare necessities and even tossed the holy coin which instructed me 3/3 times to use just my medium sized OP sling Bag.
So its work tomorrow, and then will be heading to school to get some stuff printed.
Graduation at Ngee Ann is officially on the 27th May. Kinda makes me reminisce on all the times spent there. Wish i could do it all over again, if i could, i'd do a few things differently. But then again, ironically, i'm glad its all over. And i'm in the rat race to earn big bucks, a degree and move up the career ladder.
Been've getting pressured about having to start in a new place(ccu) and some people have told me that it really is'nt going to be easy and that i'll have to start from scratch as compared to those who've already familiarized themselves having been posted there for PRCP. But i'll take it as a challenge and hopefully, i'll get through it well. I really hope and wish for really nice staff to work with in there. But this being an opportunity given, i would'nt want to let it go by just like that. Its basically the beginning of my career of being a Critical Care nurse, something i've always wanted to do, and i really hope it suits me and most importantly i enjoy what i do and at the end of it, people-patients benefit. Yes i love my profession, i know i say this ever too often. But YES, i love my profession.
Tell me, how many people actually LOVE their profession/job?
alright, enough of nursing. shall have a game of dota before i sleep. Am actually researching on Australian Unis for my post-reg degree. (:

2008-04-08T17:13:00.000+08:00

as usual today, i woke up at 3 in the afternoon.
And did my usual random stuff.
Talked to nesh for a while, i miss him so much! =(
Anyhoos, and then the best thing that happened to me was prolly whennn
Bei msged me saying that i'm posted to the CCU(Coronary Care Unit/Cardiac Monitoring Unit)
Initially i had requested for CTICU(Cardio Thoracic Intensive Care Unit) or the MICU(Medical Intensive Care Unit).
For a moment i was quite upset that i did'nt get what i had requested for, but i told myself i ought to be grateful, that at least i've managed to get into an ICU(something i've always wished for, the past 3 years) or a specialized area. And i've always wanted to specialize in either Cardio or Neuro/Neurosurg. Now let me give you all an idea of what goes on in the CCU.

The Coronary Care Unit or CCU cares for patients who have heart disease and occasionally other medical or surgical problems. Conditions such as myocardial infarction (heart attack), angina (chest pain), congestive heart failure (CCF) and arrhythmias (abnormal heart beats) are common reasons to be admitted to CCU. Patients may come to this unit following procedures such as cardiac angioplasty or the placement of stents in their coronary blood vessels.

The CCU provides the ability to monitor the heart’s rhythm continuously and to use specialized treatment such as thrombolytic therapy (medication that dissolves or breaks-up blood clots). Tests such as echocardiography (ECG) may are performed frequently within the CCU. Close monitoring by specially trained medical and nursing staff, CPR(Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) and medical measures could reduce the mortality from complications of cardiovascular disease.

So with that said, I've figured i'm going to be an expert in intepreting ECGs and carrying out CPR. (: And i figured, it might be a good learning ground and stepping stone actually to move into the CTICU. I hope all goes well for me, and i hope there will be good colleagues to work with in there. And everything else, i'll leave it to the one above. Wish me luck people. I start work on the 5th of May! ((:

2008-03-31T07:24:00.000+08:00

could'nt sleep the entire night.
i wish i could feel your arms around me longer. :(
And so here i am, blogging.
With 2 good news.
One: NUH Human Resource has granted me to defer my commencement date to 5th May
Two: I'm going to Phuket with Nesh from the 19th-22nd April.
Bad News
One: I just splurged some cash on a shopping frenzy this evening
Two: I need to save lots and lots of cash for my shopping bonanza in Phuket.
I'm not expecting it to be as good as Bangkok is, but did'nt want to go to the same places again. And decided that nesh and i needed some private time kinda thing, before i started work. So Phuket has a more laid back/romantic touch as compared to bangkok.
Oh and did i mention, we might be going to The Phillippines at the end of the year...together. Just to Manila for shopping and Tagaytay for the world's famous smallest volcano, i've always had a thing for geographical stuff especially volcanoes!! Hopefully everything goes well. And i sorta have a Japan trip deal with Aishah, to see her News Concert in Hokkaido or something. But then again, plans are just plans if not put into action. We'll see. For now, am just trying to not spend as much at least until the end of the phuket trip.
Planning to bring at least 500 up. Till then, i'm pretty excited. It'll be our third time, travelling out of Singapore together. I want more! Just with the people i love. (:
Cheerios!

2008-03-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

just got back from glasshouse. Stayed over nesh's place from saturday till monday. Had a few games of badminton with his siblings. and NOW, i'm aching all over. I badly need a body massage. And it does'nt help considering that i'm having menstrual cramps as well. Anyhoos..work was alright..actually boring..did'nt have much to do except usher people to their seats..i requested to do the greeter's stand today due to my strained right arm. And i was on the way home in a really packed bus..and the bus driver kept shouting at the passengers to move in. And i was thinking to myself, each time i got woken up from my seat after hearing sudden shouts of "automatic la", "move inside"..you know how bus drivers are these days. But then again, Singaporeans really lack initiative or just basic courtesy. Everyone's like stuck in their own shell, and they're too busy with themselves or just plain ignorant to the needs of others. I really dont get it. Its not just in buses, such things happen in hospitals as well. Like for example, I had this bunch of relatives who wanted to ask regarding their relative's condition. Already seeing there were 2 nurses in the cubicle, which includes another staff nurse and myself. This relative, presses the callbell, and mind you, callbells are meant for patients. But nevermind, i went to my patient's bedside and asked how i could help her and the relatives started asking me for an update on her condition. For that moment I was stunned.

I thought to myself, are they just LAZY or do they actually think we operate a 24hours reception or enquiry centre in the wards? I dont have ANY qualms about any of my patient's relatives asking for updates, it is only a patient's rights. HOWEVER, i believe it is very unecessary to abuse the function of a callbell just to get someone to attend to their questions and request for an update. I mean, a normal human being, already seeing that the nurse (who does not happen to be busy at that moment)is just 2 metres away from him/her would go up to the nurse and ask, politely.

I could go on talking about how some patient's relatives or even patients should learn to be a little more responsible or in other words, to be more appreciative and not abuse the healthcare system and their workers, because many a times, i think in Singapore, nurses especially do not command the respect we deserve. I always say this jokingly to some of my friends whom in the midst of something says something jokingly about me or nurses. And i tell them, (JOKINGLY), the next time your parent or your relative or even you, ends up in the hospital..either one of my friends, boyfriend or myself is going to be there in charge of him or her. They say nurses call the shots and yes, we alongside with doctors have the very heavy responsibility to determine your survival or for the worst. And them i tell them ..so please dont piss me off or put down the nursing profession.

And i start thinking about responsibilities since i am turning 20 this year. Having to bear heavy responsibilities such as the lives of people(and loads more) even before i hit the big TWENTY can be already intimidating. But, it has caused me to think of alot more, it feels like i cannot wait to grow up. I mean, grow OLDER kinda thing. Like how i'd like to rent my own apartment or move in with the one i love, get my own car, travel with people close to my heart and of course, getting a degree. And then with all that, comes the thought of bearing the responisibilities of taking care of my parents especially since alot will be put on me considering that i'm the nurse in the family. But of course I am not complaining because I already know my options, I know what to expect and how to deal with it all when it happens. See the beauty of being in the medical line?
And that is sort of like one thing less to worry about when I grow older. Subtracted from the few hundred over. Lol.
Oh well, i believe optimism will get me through adult's challenges.
Till then, Cheerios! (:

2008-03-21T19:32:00.000+08:00

just got back from the "ton-ing" session at west coast this morning with the usual gang.

literally chilled, talked and talked.

Been've having some problems with NUH HR lately..sigh i just hope everything goes well. I really want to go for my trips! Still undecided about the Bintan trip on the 7th-10th April with them as well. Oh well. I hope they grant my appeal to defer my commencement date.

Am gonna post some prom night photos. ((: Which was very enjoyable, had a blast.

6th March: Swissotel Merchant Court. Had a post drinking session after that at pump room at clarke quay. Awesome! At least i attained my favourite high state. (:

My hot prom date - Maheswaran Manickam aka guy bestie. (:

Yiting and Me. She's much shorter in real life! haha. =/

2008-03-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

HOLLA!

lol. i know its been've donkey monkey years AGAIN.
Just got back around 10pm, was at nesh's place from friday till today. enjoyed whatever time spent with him and his siblings, playing monopoly, cooking dinner with him for everyone else, and watching horror movies which sorta put tisshar, siva and i to sleep. Haha. Anyhoos, i'm really really happy coz, nesh and i are finally going to phuket together! It was something planned for last year which did'nt happen coz he could'nt go and right now, yes we're finally going! weeeeeeeeeeee!! tee-hee. I've booked the flights on the last day of the SilkAir promotions. We'll be flying off on the 19th and will be back on the 22nd. We were at kinokuniya today and we figured we could like head to Bangkok for the weekend and shop at Chatuchak and then go back to Phuket. I'm still trying to figure that out coz the bus ride to bangkok from phuket is approx 14 hours and costs really cheap(about 20Sing dollars!) whereas the train is only 6 hours for obviously slightly more. oooooohh just cant wait to get to Chatuchak! I LOVE BANGKOK. (: yes i do. Anyway this whole entry is just gonna be about our trip together. Spending whatever time i have left before i start working OFFICIALLY as a registered nurse on the 5th of May, Monday. By then i'll be working 6 days a week, shift work and oh wells, prolly wont get as much time together once he starts PRCP..but i believe we will pull through* touch wood*
Oh wells, till then, shall update a little more. Not working much this coming week..Shall be staying home, saving money. :(
Till then...adios! cheerios

2008-02-28T08:06:00.000+08:00

HEEEELLLLLOOOOOOO

i know its been've donkey monkey years since i've been here.
well bout 2 weeks i guess.
But guess what people !
PRCP is fcuking overrrr!! *woots!
And now that i see all our juniors in their uniforms roaming around singapore,either back from work or on the way to work..I cant help but smile and laugh ~~silently~~hysterically to myself. mmmahhhhaaaahaaaaaa. *points fingers at u all!
haha. i'm so sorry people. i cant help it. Its like a major achievement. After 3 years of attachments, getting bullied at times, studying, memorizing medical terms, diseases, drugs and their effects, nursing skills, theories after theories, undergoing horrendous skill assessments accompanied by invigilators from hell(4 freaking times to be exact). I mean come on man, i dont wish to complain, but frankly i think no diploma course is as mentally, emotionally and physically draining as nursing. So, i have every damn right to be on cloud 9 and to be sorta seiving happiness from other people's sadness, at least i know i've been there done that kinda thing.
(:
Okay so hate me. But trust me, when ur in my shoes, u'll feel it. Its a sense of bare freedom. But also accompanied by a whole weight of responsibilities of being a Staff Nurse. But as far as i know, as much as i miss school(AT TIMES), i'm extremely glad my student days are OVER.
Work at NUH officially starts on 5th May. I sure hope they dont change the uniforms soon..i really love their current ones! :( baahhhhh.

Oh well, so the holidays, am not very sure what i'd be doing besides working at Fish&Co. But will be going to phuket with nesh in April..back to saab's kampong in pontian in about 2 weeks time, we're gonna set up tents and build a campfire! haha. Lol. And then most likely a mini getaway with the BOBs to some nearby resort like Bintan or something. I'm still undecided if i should go bungee jumping in phuket. Something i've wanted to do before i die. It'll be really cool if i could do it. Just need to find the guts to do so. Hah.

I've painted my nails, something which i can only do for the next 2.5 months before work start..Prom night is next thursday, still have'nt hunted for my accessories..booked the hotel room and of course, gotten any liquour for the post prom drink all u can session. (:
I shall head down to little india next week, get a bottle of mahh favourite bourbon, if necessary, go for threading. And then its Buffet dinner at Sakura with the ward staff next weds.
And yes, i've been spending ALOT, this month which reminds me, there goes another 100 bucks ++ on my hair later, am gonna get it dyed/highlighted..I think i'm seriously gonna go broke this month. Oh yes, plus..i need to book for flights. SilkAir's having some promotions for flights to Phuket which actually IS cheaper than Tiger/jetstar! Like wth. Oh well. But i really still wanna go to bangkok to shop but i figured i'll go sometime with the girlfriends since nesh wanted to go somewhere we've never been before.

And the reason why i'm up this early is because i cant sleep..i think i've just gotten UTI(Urinary Tract Infection). urggh, the radiating pain is what makes things so uncomfortable and of course the urinary frequency. Consider having to go to the toilet 5 times in an hour !! . But 3/5 women get UTI at least one point in their life..this happens to be my second time.
In medical terms, we call it Recurrent UTI. I would'nt be surprised if i already have pyelonephritis(inflammation of the filtering part of your kidneys) or some Renal(kidney) disorder. Okay, *touch wood touch wood touch wood*.

Shall try to get some sleep laterr, and i'll post up pics of my new hairdo once i get it done. (:
Till then..goodbyee WORLD!

2008-02-09T01:04:00.000+08:00

helloooooo worrlldd.
Spent my 2nd day of CNY at work, missed family lunch at uncle randall's. :(
At the same time, work was'nt that hectic, with a few annoying people gone, definitely made life a whole lot better.
And So, after tomorrow, when i go back to work next week, i can officially say that it is just 1 more week till the end of PRCP. and anyone who wants to know how to survive this whole 6 months of a life-changing, challenging, bumpy, mentally, emotionally, physically draining period of time, WITHOUT suffering from a drastic burnout syndrome, i can tell you how. Sounds crazy but a part of me cant wait to grad and be a full fledged staff nurse, the other side of me seems to be resisting the thought of transiting out of a student-nurse life. Oh well, change is inevitable and sometimes change does make things better. So when all this ends, i will definitely miss the ward, with all nurses and medical team included. I kinda miss the previous medical team with Dr. K and all. Made work so much more enjoyable. After graduation, its 6 months of probation and hopefully, with god's grace i will be granted a place in the ICU, preferably CTICU(Cardio-Thoracic Intensive Care Unit) or MICU. (Medical Intensive Care Unit) I kinda have a liking for Neuro, Renal and Respi patients. See, the beauty of being in a Medical Ward? I think neurology is interesting and the patients have a pretty good turnover rate. At least i enjoyed myself the most in both my neurological and neuro-surgical wards throughout these past 6 months, But my love will always still be the ICU. Hopefully i get to go there. Anywayss, i've been loading myself with too much chocolates these past few days, reaaallllyy BAD. and i mean BADD. seriously i think today shall be the last day i indulge in chocolates. Considering the fact that CNY is over and that gives me no reason to be indulging in sinful products. =/ i kinda finished up all the Hershey's Almond Kisses mummy bought and kept in the chocolate jar. Cant believe it myself man!

Oh wells, so much for my ramblings.
Till then..goodnight world!
Am on PM shift tomorrow, bless me with nice patients and relatives. (:

2008-02-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

today was hectic hectic hectic..so was yesterday.
My gawdd..and i dont wanna talk about it.
To summarize it all..
i just believe that, not all patients are annoying, some are dead.
Oh plus their relatives..just a handful of them.
come on man, i'm human too dammit.
Anyway, so much for work, its two more weeks till attachments end, at thennn its one month of holidaysss..dont quite know what i'm planning to do but yeah should be fish&co before i commit myself full-time to NUH.
dont have much to blog about, shall just stop here. (:

2008-01-25T14:34:00.000+08:00

today will be my 2nd round of night shifts.
In a way, i'm looking forward to it, but on the other hand, i'm not..simply because its a friday and tomorrow will be my 2nd night and it'll be a saturday, and ta-daaa there goes my weekends, spent looking after my patients. But i pray i'll have really fun staff to work with tonight and then it just makes everything, worthwhile and very enjoyable, just like my first night. I've been trying to force myself to hibernate or at least to sleep much much longer than just 9 hours only. but i just cant seem to do it. I'll just load myself up with caffeine throughout the night and HOPEFULLY get to sleep for 2 hours during my break. I pray also for really cooperative, sleepy patients that WILL NOT wake up during the night and play the call bell game. =/
So much for work..I've found a few nice dresses at Forever 21 yesterday, all around my budget range. Just awaiting the boyfri's opinion on them. Think i shall go get them on Sunday which happens to be my Sleeping day. Then i'll spend some cash next month for my hair, thing is should i or should i not get my hair permanently permed?? But i know for sure i'm gonna get it highlighted and dyed again. (: yay! Lol. I also want a new phone but thing is ai'nt no phone out there that actually attracts me, considering my very strict demands of the type of phones i'd like to get..oh well, think i shall try get a nap before i report for work...till thenn...adioss

2008-01-22T00:36:00.000+08:00

todaayyy was my off day
spent it just lazing around at home, watching movies.
Met up with baby for dinner at 9, we ate ALOT. Lol
But enjoyed whatever time spent together.
i just feel like watching whatever movies i can till tomorrow or even till the end of the week!
That would mean not going to work. Hah.
which would be almost impossible. I love my job(touch wood) but i'm feeling sooo extremely lazy right now. Thank god i'm doing afternoon shift tomorrow. Another 4 more weeks baby and its alll over. Which reminds me i have'nt gotten my logbook in the pda signed! shittos! Oh well, so much for work. till another time. (:

2008-01-18T15:28:00.000+08:00

its my post night! yes yes, well..
my first night tuesday was really tiring, had to gulp down two cups of coffee..
and basically, call bells were just going off randomly throughout the night and by the time i got home, it was 10am..so it was about a 13 hours shift plus another 2 hours of prep time and plus another 2 hours of travelling. I was dead beat when i got home and the last thing i needed was them to be drilling walls for the lift upgrading when i really needed beauty sleep for the second night on that day itself. Unable to tolerate all that noise, went over to sleep at nesh's place..till like 5pm..had dinner with him and rushed off to work, missed him the moment i left. i've been so busy with work and him with assignments that we rarely hang out or go on real dates these days..urggh. So the second night, was incredibly quiet. I did'nt drink coffee at all and i managed to go for my 2 hours break and even the one at 6am. Passed report, got home at 9am. And sleppppttttt allll the way till 3..and the usual suspects together met up together at Al azhar..it was really nice having like 20 of us, "reuniting" after donkey monkey years, Lol. well just a few months to be exact..thing is, working makes u lose a part of ur social life...so yeah, it was rather fun and i was extremely glad to see everyone again. Had dinner, then headed to fiq's place to do the usual, this time nesh came along..and thenn home sweet home..So in conclusion, NIGHT shift was alright, my next round is next week..can u believe it! dammit. and worst still its on a Friday and Saturday, i pray i have really fun staff to work with. Coz my first night was really fun..the staff working on the first night were just awesome man! Makes it so much easier to get through the night. And soo..tomorrow its work work work again, AM shift..i think i might wanna make CLAM chowder soup and pasta for dinner today...till then, cheerios!

so little time

2008-01-11T01:24:00.000+08:00

Its an earrllyy friday morning, 2AM.
I've been thinking about so much throughout these few hours, drowning in sappy slow songs.
i need to do a whole lot of stuff.
For starters, i have yet to get my prom dress, gotten my hair dyed, i still have to plan for our phuket trip, andddd its STILL SIX more weeks till PRCP ends. my goodness..the wait is starting to get a little depressing. Work was hectic as usual today, but hanged out with friends for a whole session of chit-chatting and gossiping in the tea room, accompanied with a mini brunch. I think i'm going to miss the place when i leave. And hopefully, by god's grace i get to go to MICU. Left NUH at 6.30pm, and met nesh&steph for my dumpling soup dinner near our place and nesh headed to my place to catch the chinese show; "the golden path". Was catching Deal or no deal as well together with mum. Whatever it is, had a really enjoyable time with him today, despite it being all simple, and being hugged so firmly by you before you left, sorta brings everything to a standstill, and all that i'm worried about just seems to go away and definitely puts a smile on my face even at the end of the day. iloveyounesh.

I seriously need to do a whole load of things, but TIME is always a freaking constraint. Dammit.

Tomorrow, as in Friday, is my off day so i figured i ought to use this time..i hope i make good use of it, maybe i ought to start searching for prom dresses. Prom is on the 6th. And i dont want to be caught wearing the same thing as anyone else at the prom. That itself would sorta make me a more picky prom-dress shopper. Anyway i was checking it out online, and saw some dresses that caught my eye. The dearest boyfriend insists i cannot wear anything overly revealing, so i shall see what i can work with..

I really like the first dress. (: I hope i get some fab finds in the local stores. *Prays hardd..Till then i will keep u guys updated about my hunt for the perfect prom dress(for me that is). I'm trying to stay away from mediocre colours like black and white, but if the design is unique, why not right? Wish me luck! Oh and i'm suddenly craving for carbonara pasta in bangkok, at the stall just beside Assumption University. They have one of the best Carbonara pastas i've tasted Oh so does the Baiyoke Sky hotel as well(in bangkok as well.)

Cheeerioss

2008-01-03T21:50:00.000+08:00

okay so a very happy new year people! this is gonna be a short entry. New Year's eve was great, though everything was pretty last minute. Did'nt spend more than 30 buckaroos on NYE! Can u believe that?! Anyhoos. i really enjoyed myself alot. The week passed really quick and its friday tomorrow and am working the AM shift on Saturday. Sunday is my OFF DAYY. (: Am prettty tiredd, considering the amount of stress i've been put through today..urgghh! alright, shall not start complaining, but had fun dotA-ing with the guys at school today and i finally ate the pasta at SIM again! So much has changed around there.goodness! Oh well, here are the NYE Pictures, and some random pictures. (:

Some pictures of Nesh and I. ((:

We were pretty high by that time. =X

Siva and I above, that's nesh's elder brother! ((:

Some Very funny people below. Lol. Added spice to the ocassion.

Christmas Eve 2007 with cousins and friends at the Arena. This is post clubbing. MCD breakfast. As usual, all high. =X

Some random pictures at my Xmas BBQ on 25th. Thanks to those who came. As usual, AGAIN, we were high.

The above is Aliff peeing into a dustbin; characteristics of drunk people uh! hawh!

Below: Ayu, Mahes and Taufiq.

And Lastly, a very random picture of me and the dearest boyfriend. I think he looks hot in here.*woots* hah. Was at his place just slacking and movie marathoning. (:

i love you dearest! Look forward to spending the new year with you!

And that, was the end of my post! (: Till next time..take care and BEEEEE GOOOOOODDDD.

CHEERIOS! (:

2007-12-29T14:24:00.000+08:00

ggoooooooodddd afternooon!
its 1.5 days before my holiday ends! urggh. and i'm so not looking forward to going back to work.
Something tells me i might forget a whole lot of things, like medications and ward routine. =/
Lets just hope for the best while i enjoy whatever bit of holidays i have left. :(
this is kinda getting me a little depressed. Anyway, yesterday was spent half a day at home, sleeping, and watching teevee. basically just bumming at home. Left around 5 to meet stephen and the rest for dinner at glutton's bay, food was good as usual. Walked around marina square before rushing home with stephen as he needed to catch his bus at 9.30. Seeing the bus caught up in jams and all kinda made me feel a little worried for him(my anxiety syndrome kicks in)..buuuuutttt all went well, i guess. Stayed over at nesh's place and watched dvds together. I being extremely sleepy headed off to bed first while he still had the extra energy to play dota even at 2am. Got home at 6am this morning after he left for work..and now, tadddddaaa, am awake. Just ate my brunch actually. My first night duties are on the 15th and 16th of January. Am kinda looking forward to it, but not the tiring aspect of it of course! I just realized how i dont really like children. haha. i mean they're really cute and all, i cannot deny but, i just get irritated when they cry! =/ random i know but its coz micah and victoria are at my place and micah is crying! hushh husshh hushhh! =(
Till then..take care people.
cheerios!

2007-12-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

hello everybody!
firstly,
i'd like to wish all of you, Compliments of the Seasons.
Hope your christmas was as enjoyable as it was for me. Xmas eve was little boring initially when my relatives were at my place, then headed to arena with Shawn and met James and a few of his friends, had a helluva fun time over there because number 1. the music was AWESOME. 2. the crowd was really pumped up. 3. I got high. A 9/10 kinda high. mmmmhaaaaahhaaaa. Its really a solid place i tell you, live band with in between music from the DJ himself. And best of all, it was R&B music. The crowd control i felt was really good, unlike MOS which is almost as equivalent to being in a tin of tuna or sardines. Overall, i had a good time. Got home at 5am on Christmas morning, Slept for just 3 measly hours before being waken up by mum to go to church for 10am service. Got home at 11.30am and by 12 we were travelling from the west ALLLLLL the way to the east to do our visiting. Reached home at 5pm, prepared for my xmas party and walla! I had a blast with good company,and yes we were drinking AGAIN. hahaha. Good life man, literally. Cant wait for new year's. New roster is out and i have so many morning shifts. Another 8 more weeks of attachments and its GRADUATION!

Am officially broke, after buying nesh his ipod nano. Lol. but its alright, still can survive. i think. HAH. i spent ALOT this month and its barely even January. i have 3 months to save for my expenses in India and my Bangkok SHOPPING Trip and my mini getaway trip with theinesh. Wonderful. (:

Somehow or rather, i'm getting really sleepy. ZzzzZzzzzzzzZzzzzzz.
Time to hit the sheets, in a whilee..
till thenn.
Take Care people. Loves.

2007-12-24T04:57:00.000+08:00

its 4Am on Christmas Eve.
Am sooooooo NOT looking forward to people coming over later in the evening.
If only YOU were free to come over for xmas eve. :(
Anyhoos. I dont know if the stupid bbq pits in my area are available..if not, no drinking sessions or party for you guys..urrghh.
I PRAY they have at least a pit left when i go over to book em later in the morning.
I 'm a little sleepy but dont exactly wanna sleep.
You know how sometimes in life you feel jaded, after you've seen things happening over and over again?
Today, I felt the exact same spiritless me, i felt 1 year and a half ago, I was afraid, seeing so many failed relationships, and whatever my the XY chromosome being in my house is doing to his counterpart, just makes me wonder, why in the fcuking world do people even bother falling in love and taking the risk and sometimes end up getting hurt and be forced to go through the whole breakup package at the end of it all and what you get is a bucket load of tears(for me) and you feel like shit for days and nights until you finally pick up the fucking pieces to get your senses together and after a while, a damn long while..YOU MOVE ON! and then it all happens again. See, now do you believe when i tell you i'm jaded ? Dont get me wrong. I love theinesh, In fact everyone knows i do, with all my heart, strength and soul. We have our ups and downs, a whole load of memories i would'nt trade for anything else. But, i dont know why, things i've seen in my life tend to cause me to worry about my OWN relationship and i start wondering if its gonna be worth it because obviously no one wants to see something u've put into, go down the drain, right? So i am afraid, after all i've seen, how your closest friend gets dumped in the most f-ed up way u can possibly imagine and a whole lot more of depressing situations any normal human being would'nt want to find themselves in.

And its just unfair to him that i have to feel this way.
And dearest, i'm sorry that i cant help it that sometimes i get all paranoid.
Whatever it is, I love you a whole lot. I thank you for taking the time to listen to me even though u were really sleepy. It sure did help me out alot. I thank you also for all the nonsense sometimes you had to put up with.And a whole pack of happy times you never fail to bring me.
if you're reading this, just know i'm not going to give up, no matter what.
Above all, i thank you for loving me and for being someone i can always lean on.(literally as well.) haha.

So to all those that matter and all reading this,
to all my friends, family, whoever.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.

and my christmas quote for the year.
"Love one another as i have loved you"
Pretty classic i know, but seriously, christmas IS about Love. I do not need to explain thoroughly what happened on christmas day.

But to those idiots who celebrate christmas without even a single clue as to why its celebrated.
Please, take down your xmas trees and dont even bother roasting the turkeys or beefs. Its POINTLESS. I may not be a staunch catholic but hey,frankly christmas IS overrated. Which reminds me, i wonder if i shld go for midnight service tomorrow. Lol. GOODNIGHT EVERYONE.

2007-12-22T16:03:00.000+08:00

its 4pm in the afternoon and i'm already feeling sleepy, reason being because i only slept at 5am last night and woke up at 1pm...frankly i have so much to do but all i want to do is to sleep. I have yet to pack my room and christmas eve is in 2 days, but i'm just really glad that my cash came in last night. alas i can embark on my shopping sprees again. I managed to buy xmas presents for all the significant people in my life yesterday after a fruitful shopping trip at marina square, Alone. Yes i tend to shop much more productively when i'm alone. I still have to get presents for victoria and micah though..thing is i'm so lazy to go out. Its a Saturday and town will probably be packed with all the other last minute christmas shoppers just like me. (:

Lets See, i really need to save at least 400 bucks this month and more the coming months. Because i'm planning for a Bangkok, Phuket and Hong Kong(aside from Bangalore) Trip next month before i really commence my full fledged staff nursing duties. I cannot wait to graduate, seriously. Thing is, i'm enjoying my vacations so much now that i wonder if i'm gonna get used to the working routine after this. Its one more week of vacations and its back to work, I have just seen my new roster. Kinda sucky. fo the next 3 weeks, i'll be working on ALL the weekends but thank god i'm given a PH for New year's Eve, as i would need it to recover from the hangovers. =/

I still have yet to decide what i'm gonna do on NYE..should be the usual shit, club or club hop, get wasted and feel like crap the next morning. hawh.

Shall attempt to clean my room now..Till then, Cheerios!

2007-12-19T13:12:00.000+08:00

Oh and did i mention..mummy says she's gonna give me my christmas shopping money today!
mmmmmmmhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaaaa
that means more shopping to be done on top of the shopping i've already done this month(which everyone knows was quite alot) First stop, 3 pairs of shoes at Marina, get a dress, skirts, tops..oooh lalala..i'm sooo excited. hee hee.

2007-12-19T12:47:00.000+08:00

it is mid day, infact i just got home at 7.40 this morning. Stayed over with nesh, hariee and tisshar at the hospital. Went sleepless for the night, and now i'm about to head to the hospital again. I'm not complaining though, but its not like i'm working, at least i'm doing something. (:
Had very early breakfast at kkh before the boyfri. left for work. I can gurantee, that was the fastest meal i have ever eaten in my life, but it was a macdonald's hotcakes breakfast, something he had promised me we'd do for a reaallly long time now. (: i headed home, and poof, the next minute i knew, i was on my bed, in a deep deep sleep. Somehow it felt like i had just done night shift and i'm terribly afriad to do my night shit next year, i've heard so much about it. Not about the supernatural aspect of it, but the whole idea of you being like a ZOMBIE the moment you get to your second night. May i be blessed with godspeed during my FIRST night shift. =/
Alrightey, off for some teevee. I've been deprived these past few months at work. Must watch plenty of teevee during my hols. Till then. Cheerios! So happy i met some year 3s yesterday, it was as good as seeing civilisation again. hawh. i mean its always comforting to see a familiar face when you're at another hospital. (:
Its actually kinda cool to have like friends spread out all over the other hospitals! Makes the nursing community seem a little smaller..until we all graduate of course.
(:

P.S: which reminds me, i have yet to buy my dress for prom and my grad day ceremony outfit.Still thinking of what i ought to get. Although its still bout 3 months to prom and 5 months to grad day. Well, i just like advance planning!

2007-12-18T11:40:00.001+08:00

hello hello hello!
its the holdiays!! (for me at least)
and i really wanna make the fullest use of these 2 weeks.

1. Thou shall clean my room
My room is in its utmost messiest state, and i just have'nt been able to find the time to clean it all up considering the fact that i'm rarely home nowadays except to sleep. So must must clean room before christmas arrives.
2. Thou shall exercise.
I ran yesterday, ate healthy yesterday. I even ate one whole apple! My gawwd..and the last time i ate fruits was almost eons ago. I just wanna run at least daily or 5 times a week, just to keep in shape and keep fit of course.
3. Thou shall read.
i've planned to finish reading my harry potter boo k within these two weeks and hopefully buy another one from borders when i'm done with it. I've always loved to read and simply, (all time favourite excuse) i cant find the time! Besides reading my patient's case notes and ugly illegible doctor's handwritting which can really make you extremely frustrated sometimes.
4. Thou shall learn to cook.(more dishes)
okay this sounds funny but yes, clare is gonna learn to cook more dishes. I mean frankly i really do love to cook obviously because i love food! And i'm starting with indian cuisine for these two weeks.( yes i am finally getting in touch with a part of my heritage). And the boyfri. shall be my guinea pig. mmmhhhaaahaaaa.
5. Thou shall save money.
I need to save 400 bucks off my allowance this month, so that i can go on shopping sprees when i'm in Bangalore and Bangkok/Cambodia. Oh and did i mention, i might be heading to Hong Kong? I just hope i dont start work by July and thennn i can head to Hong Kong(where i'll shop and eat till i drop). Mummy was thinking of going to the states at the end of next year or visit our relatives in Canada. Just that i'll have to pay for my expenses there. Flight, Accomodation covered. ((: But we'll see..moolah moolah.

So that's all for my two weeks, i could go on but it'll be as good as writing my new year's resolutions. Initially wanted to run, but right now its just about to rain so i think i'll do so tonight instead. Will be meeting nesh at 3pm at kkh, he's having attachments right now! hawh. Will be going to visit his mum who's at CGH. Have a speedy recovery aunty! Now i wanna go catch some grey's anatomy! *yummy! haha.
Till then. Cheriooos!!

2007-12-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

this is going to be a short entry.
work was lets just say HECTIC. finished up with my reports only at 9, i'm sorry maryann! Anyhoos, the dearest sweet boyfriend of mine surprised me with dinner today! He called initially asking if i wanna have dinner(coz obviously i always go without breakfast lunch and dinner during my working days on PM shifts) and i was like nah its okay, feeling all tired and lazy, i was hungry but i was thinking there might not be food left to buy at that hour..and just as i was in the train home a kind soul called to ask where was i, i was in the train..and he was like i bought hokkien mee for you..i was like WHy you buy food for me!? and sensing my initial ungratefulness the boyfr. replied..WHY NOT! haha. trying to avoid a misunderstaning, i said alright alright i will see you at the station, and that left me smiling allllll the way till i met him. (:
once again, a happy ending to a shitty day. (:
i really really enjoy spending even just 30 minutes, chatting away with so much to say and having a drink or supper even while we're both really tired. it seriously makes my day. the end of it at least. i love the boyfriend! (:

And so i apologize, this post is all about him AGAIN
(:
till then..good night..
i miss all my friends!! Sighh..
Hope to see u guys and girls soon.
its 2 more days to my 2 weeks of vacations!!
WOOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bayyybehhh!
CHEERRRRRRRIOoooooooooooooSSSSS

2007-12-12T03:37:00.000+08:00

it is 4am in the morning and i am blogging. and why?
its my OFF DAY TOMORROW!!
ommmigaawwwdd. i loveee off days. Off days are Love. ecetera ecetera.
i simply love off days which fall in the mid and end of the week. just pure bliss.
And so, today was rather hectic, 3 discharges awaited me when i took over for the PM shift.
So many changes to be made, forgot a few things to be done here and there, sighh, but i cant help it. I'm really trying my best to function like a Staff Nurse and the fact that i do not want to disappoint anyone especially my preceptor and staff nurses in charge adds on to the pressure. Yes i am a perfectionist, people make mistakes but i cannot cannot cannot allow myself to do so. Its already the 7th week into PRCP. I must carry out the whole role of a staff nurse well. Talk about 7 patients, and i wonder what's it like taking 2 cubicles when i graduate. I just hope i pass this probation period and then its graduation, HOLIDAYS to India&Bangkok/Cambodia. (:
Am saving up for my shopping sprees. mmhaaaaahaaaaa. anddd then its back to work for another 6 months of probation..damn, see being a nurse is'nt that all easy alright.

Went home early, walked around the plaza in search of christmas presents for 16 other people. I've only bought one so far. HAH. omg, when am i ever going to find the time to do all that..
And then as i was just about to take the lift up home, the boyfriend called, with my SUBWAY DINNER! more like Supper because lately, i've been suffering from full 8-9 hour shifts without any breaks for dinner or breakfast or not even for a quick bite! Let alone toilet breaks. And each time i empty my bladder after 8 hours, i wonder if i'm actually passing out 1ml/kg/hr. Okay, lets not go into the bare details. Back to my Subway Supper bought by the boyfriend! How sweeet, so we both had our turkey subway sandwiches & cookies(which he could'nt finish because he's on some healthy living diet. HAWH.). Talked awhile before bidding goodbye. I love times like these spent with him, its like a finishing touch or more like the "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" kinda thing. I mean i had such a bad day at work, the whole day and to end the day, after a hard day's work, what's better than having someone to sit beside, to complain and pour everything out over dinner/supper? And having a nurse for a boyfriend adds up the benefits because you'll save the trouble from explaining all the medical terms and abbrieviations which i have been ever so prone to using right now. WHICH IS GOOD! Plus plus points for a nursing boyfriend.

And now i'm feeling sleepy, i ought to! I need my beauty sleep because i'm delivering freshly made breakfast to the boyfr's house tomorrow morning. I hope his knee gets better, all thanks to dragonboat training today. Get well soon alright dearest!?
Okay so this post is all about work and the boyfr. pardon me alright!
Better posts in future! *promise. Lol.

****THANK YOU FOR SUBWAY TODAY!

cheeriooos.

2007-12-08T16:47:00.000+08:00

spent my off days DOTA-ing at selegie and BTP with nesh and ayu.
Its already 4.50pm and i'm starting to feel oh so sleepy. Must be the chocolate milk. Lol. Tomorrow its back to work! PM shift, thankfully. one more week, and i'm off for my 2 weeks of vaction babbyyyy! mmmmmmhaaaaahahhaaaaa. And truthfully, i cant imagine how i've actually spent so much of money this month, just on shopping. and there's still xmas shopping to do! bleahh! i ought to seriously learn to be a little more thrifty,(okay fine ALOT more thrifty). at the rate i'm spending...scares me.
Lets see, counting down the weeks till PRCP is over. from the time i end my break, which is the 28th of December. (my PRCP break starts on the 16th), i have exactly...2 more months till its all all over. 2 months still sounds so long. talking about it is already starting to get me all depressed. and frankly i still dont know if i'd really want to stay in this ward after i pass out. I mean indefinitely, the ICU is always still on my mind but looking at the way things are around in this ward just gets me thinking about a whole lot of things, which i shall not mention here on a public blog, but lets just say it is'nt very nice and everyone wants the "perfect" working environment to work in..apart from all that, Colleagues and staff are alright, Most of them are really friendly and i think that's a real plus point that could make me stay. Like i've always said, the people you work with, makes a huge difference.
And till then, i shall update further, soon.
Goodbye world.

2007-12-02T02:21:00.000+08:00

well well well.
Its 2am in the morning and i have work in the afternoon.
I hate afternoon shifts on a Sunday!
Well at least Friday was pure training sessions and Saturday was my off day! AWW!
I loved friday actually.
Went for the training thing at around 1 plus, i was late! So had to cab down. Had to do some documentation project, a little boring but i had alot of fun dissing this PRC girl who irritated the hell of all of us! SERIOUSLY! Well well, project went well and we left an hour earlier. Just as i thought i could head home early to prepare for the night's events at ECP, hazel and beishan came up with a chit-chat session at Kent Ridge Wing's food court. I must say i enjoyed that wholee catching up session with good company coupled with some dim sum and ice cream. yummy. Headed home at 5, lazed around and left for little india, to get cheap booze before cabbing down AGAIN to ECP. Enjoyed time spent there, apart from the laceration i sustained on my knee. i'll post up pictures once i have the time! ALL THANKS TO THEINESH. for pushing me to the ground while we were at Dog&Bone, and playing contact games is'nt the best idea when you're high, i being in a whole lot of pain and i was naturally pissed off with his outrageously violent act, i chased him and started kicking and punching him. Until well, hariee had to stop us from fighting. Lol. Come to think of it, it was so funny. and there was i bleeding from my knees to my ankles. gawwdd..hate all the cuts and bruises i see on my legs right now..urgghhh!! Anyway spent the night at nesh's place, slept till like 2pm. Stomach got so uneasy during the night that i think i puked out whatever alcohol the liver could'nt metabolize. Which made me feel so much more better. I'm grateful i have a kind enough boyfriend who was willing to get me plastic bags and cups of ice water, despite him being high and soundly asleep. awww! how sweeeeeettttt! Woke up, went to loyang point with tisshar and nesh, nesh got me bubble tea, how i miss the Oreo milkshake in Bangkok! Which only costs 20baht!
And did i mention? I'm going for the India,Manipal Trip in March next year! For 2 whole weeks. Best part of it...mahaaahahaha..i shall not say it too soon. (: *touch wood*

Nesh is at the Standard Chartered Marathon right now, as a first aider of course. Take Care dearest. Dont fall asleep. =p
Tomorrow marks the end of 1 month of PRCP. 2 more months to go...please please please let it pass like the wind and that nothing i do jeopardizes anyone especially the lives of my patients. I hate the way we're all under so much of supervision and scrutiny. But i'm glad at the end of the day, i have someone to let it all out to. Thanks baby, for hearing my cries, my frustrations and my complains. so, i dont exactly wanna dig in on coffee tomorrow morning, i'm trying to wean off coffee!! sigh. So..goodbye world!
*Lovelove!

2007-11-24T03:05:00.000+08:00

its a Saturday morning(early early morning, 3AM)

and i'm blogging.
The week has'nt been so great. Full of mood swings, and the whole PMS monthly package all nicely rolled out over this week.
Friday and Saturday ARE MY OFF DAYS!
Spent my day today(Friday) shopping, shopping and shopping.
Its been've so long since i got to destress and do some serious(read: serious) retail therapy.
met bei to pass her the camera. and in the end, after asking her for an opinion on this dress i had wanted to buy..she left off with bq and i, for home to meet nesh. I FORGOT TO PASS HER TO CAMERA! it was pretty dumb i must say. Oh well.
Got home, packed my things and headed for a studying session with the boyfriend, more like tutoring session. watching him study made me realize how much i missed school yet i'm thankful its all over, for now at least. I mean i DO plan to take my degree sometime soon before i get married. So that'll probably be when i'm 24 and ideally, i'd like to settle down at the age of 28.
that's still a looonng way to go. just the other day, was talking to one of my Staff Nurses.
She's really good, in terms of patient care and all that. You know, one of those few role-model nurses with the 'passion' for nursing. And i was talking to her about the whole career path. And i asked her if she's gonna be promoted to Senior Staff Nurse anytime soon, considering the fact that performance wise, she's excellent. And she told me, for what? I replied..
huh, but the money is good right? And she said, what's the point? I dont care about the money, i'm happy with where i am. What's the point of earning so much of money, working overly hard and you only get to see your husband and son a few hours a day. And this was the part that hit me the most: she said, you know when my son could crawl, i did'nt even know he could actually crawl! And the saddest part was that, my son's first word was "papa" and not me. She only works the 8-5 shift now so she can spend just some 3 hours with her son..and i think she's way off happier this way.
I dont know, but whatever she said made sense. Initially in nursing, when u first start off, frankly the money is'nt very good. But if your performance is good(btw, nurses are graded every year and it affects our bonuses and promotions), you get pay increments and by the 2nd-3rd year, you earn quite a bit. Frankly, i'm not too concerned about the money either..everyone knows i do enjoy nursing very very much and at this point in life, i just want to be happy. And i must say right now, i have everything i need to fulfill that. I'm not a person who can be doing something i dont like because it might just drive me up the wall. If i was'nt in Nursing, i would'nt know what else be suited for me. In nursing, you give alot, and you get as much back too. NOTHING in this world, can be better than, caring for a really sick patient, for a week or two, watch her condition deteoriate and eventually get better..and at the end of it, despite all the mood swings of her and a whole lot of other patients, you have to put up with.. when you finally discharge the patient, she's on that wheelchair, with alot more of energy and vibe. She smiles and you and thanks you over and over again, and kisses you. NOTHING else can beat that. that's just a part of the daily job satisfaction i get. And mind you, i'm not in nursing because "i cant make it". thank you.

A while back, during my posting at the A&E, i met this Air Stewardess, brought in by the ambulance, you could tell she was from SIA from those red painted fingernails. but anyway, she came in for a terrible back pain. So we just had to do a whole lot of distraction therapy, we talked about almost everything under the sun. She had just got back from her flight from London, and my other colleague was just commenting on how wonderful it must have been to be there..and then she said yeah but you wont understand how much i have to go through..and then enough said. I did'nt quite know what to say but I just smiled and tried reassuring her bout things, transferred her to the obs room and my job was done.

Anyway i think u all get my point.
As cliche cliche cliche as this might sound. Right now, i'm trying to make this paramount in MY life at least..and that is happiness.
I've gotta go get some beauty sleep.

I'm already missing you baby. sigh.

Goodnight world.

2007-11-16T00:45:00.000+08:00

heelloooo worrldd.
after tomorrow, its officially 2 weeks since PRCP have passed. that leaves me with 12 more weeks..damn! Still a looooooonnnnnnnnggggg way to go man. But my preceptor is reaally really nice. and i'm just glad she's my preceptor. I pray i dont make any grave mistakes that could cost me my career. I prayyy for compliant patients..(like real). Today, one of the patients in my cubicle passed away, i have so much to say but i shall leave it as that since it is always essential to uphold patient confidentiality. Had orientation at KRW, which i fell asleep throughout. The place was so cosy and comfy. How could i resist!! Lol. Moreover they were talking about IT systems we were required to know about whilst working in the wards. I really tried to keep awake!

I have yet to memorize the 40-50 most common drugs kept in the ward and my dear Clinical Instructor is gonna conduct some test for us on the list of drugs. And not just that, its Indications and Side Effects. OmG. If those of you reading this STILL think Nursing is really easy, you ought to slap yourself. but i must say, the training is really thorough. It is'nt supposed to but it does break you at one point of the 3 years and many, nursing school WILL break you, but at the end of it, you'd somehow be thankful, at least i am(as i approach the end). I've grown so much more emotionally stronger and you just know it when something changes you, for good. And that's something nursing can do, IF you put your heart in it of course. Enough of nursing...

Saturday i'm off to Genting(again) with nesh, will meet mummy and cleo there since i'm on afternoon shift tomorrow. I'm glad i'm having a short breakaway. India Manipal trip is more or less confirmed on the 24th March to 5th April. I'll be gone for 2 whole weeks in INDIA! woots. Okaaayyy..Bangalore to be exact. Just hope more seniors will be going for that trip. (:
I think i'm gonna go catch some sleep...have been working since what..8? till 11..yeah, was at F&Co againn..had fun working today though. Till then, Tara!

*i'm missing you dearest..

2007-11-10T15:34:00.000+08:00

hello world.
well well 1 week of PRCP has just passed, 13 more weeks to go! Damn.
I'm just soo waiting for that 2 weeks of holidays.
The week was pretty eff-ed up mostly because i was sick!
Came down with a flu and cough which pretty much made working really torturous!
Worked at Fish&Co during the week as well.
I'm already starting to get the hang of working in Ward 53, am blessed with nice staff(at least some). I have yet to experience the idea of having to handle 14 cases, but i believe i will pull through(touch wood). Spent Diwali at Mahes's place, ended off with a drinking session with his nesh, his brothers icha and vignesh..and a bunch of other friends. Gambled the night away and cabbed back to nesh's place with the both of us in a really high state. But it was a "nice high" kinda feeling. Something i have'nt felt in a long long time, considering the fact i DO NOT GET high easily(touch wood). And Friday was spent at his place, slacking, watching a tamil movie. Thank you auntie for the punjabi suit! Had initial plans of watching gameplan at Tampines but settled for dinner at nesh's place. Prawn Sambal and Vegetable Chap Chye, Chindian food as tisshar puts it! (:
Right now i'm really craving for Mussels in Lemon Garlic Butter Sauce from Fish&Co. And Baked Salmon topped with Creamy Mushroom Sauce, also from Fish&Co! Sigh. Which reminds me i have yet to eat my breakfast that mummy bought for me which is still in the kitchen. and yes its already 3.45PM now. Well, thats the beauty of being able to sleep in on a Saturday! Well, at least for a while. My schedule for PRCP has seen me having to work on 5 out of the 14 weekends. And 2 consecutive Night Duties. Night Duty starts from 7pm to 7.30am which usually drags to 8.30am and then you go home, rest and you turn up for your next Night Duty at 7pm on that same day. My first Night Duty officially starts on the 13th of December and ends on Saturday Morning(15th December) which they have smartly arranged for because my 2 weeks holidays start on the damn 15th! urgh. Oh well, dont really have much of a choice but i hope to trial out at ICU on the 9th week. Sighh..
Till thenn..
Will Update when i have the Time.
I need Retail Therapy and a short getaway! Sounds like Bangkok!
hee.
Cheerios!!!

2007-10-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

well well..
its a moonnnddaayyyy..
and lets see, i went to work with the whole monday blues baggage.
So this shall be short and sweet.
Got posted to High Dependency unit today. Rather busy, started off the shift with a transfer case. Then the admissions started coming in which pretty much got me busy.
Did i mention, i got to perform venipuncture today? hee.
Quite an Experience. ((:
And it was successful, on first attempt! (:
tee hee.
Tomorrow, i shall load up on caffeine to pucker me up during the night.
Well, i figured today since i conducted a randomnised trial that concluded that i am officially addicted to caffeine. I shan't progress with the details, but yeah..
Am gonna go to bed now. Oh and yesterday we jalan-raya-ed..will post up pictures at the respective 7 houses and our in between businesses..
Till thenn...CHEERIOS!!

2007-10-18T16:36:00.000+08:00

and so, the PRCP postings are out.
I must say i was significantly devastated. Not only did i not get ANY of my choices, i did'nt get ICU. everyone who knows me well, knows how much i've been hoping to get into the ICU. I know its only going to be for 3 months, but i really was hoping so much to get it. I dont know why, but it just brought me to tears. Something trivial to cry for i agree but what if its something you've always wanted 3 years ago? Something you've worked so hard for, 3 years. ICU was my 2nd choice, and why? Because i thought people would think i'm overambitious, thinking of wanting to do ICU for my PRCP. And some time later, I asked for a change of choices and that was to make ICU my 1st choice, however i was told from school and NUH that it would'nt matter because as long as there was a specialized discipline in any of our choices, we'd have to undergo interviews. And NOW, they tell me they're assessing students using a different method thus, those who made their first choices as ICU, would have most likely gotten it.

For those who are reading this, and are wondering what is PRCP. It stands for Pre-Registration Consolidation Practice whereby we're given 3 months to consolidate whatever we have learnt in 3 years and we'll be assessed based on a whole list of criterias and skills to be competent with and to complete basically a really long checklist. And it is necessary to pass it in order to get our license to practice as a Staff Nurse, in short, "No Pass equates to No License, No Job and No Diploma. I hope, Andy allows me to swap to ICU. Any ICU and i'd be glad. Really, but like the old saying goes, LIFE DOES'NT ALWAYS GO OUR WAY, maybe i'm not meant to be there now. Maybe God has a plan for me. Like they Say, everything happens for a reason. So, thing is, i'm currently posted to an 8 bedder Gerontology(Elderly) Ward. And mind you its not all slow and boring in the Gerontology ward, it IS BUSY BUSY BUSY. But hey, its not bout being busy that turns me off or scares me, its the area of interest. I'm not saying i DISLIKE Gerontology, its just my area of interest has ALWAYS been caring for the critically ill, both OLD&YOUNG.

I remember my Assignment i did for WPD(Work&Professional Development) and it was to write a Resume. In my resume, i remember stating down the work experiences we already had(assuming we had already graduated) and the first year of work in NUH happened to be in a Gerontology Ward. And let me quote what i had written regarding my "experience" there and its possible contributions to the position i was applying for(ICU nurse in TTSH)
So i said; I have gained valuable skills being a pillar of support for relatives, assisting them with their needs, handling complaints out of their anxiety and regular patient care related discussions and updates with them.

And the reason why i want to be an ICU nurse?
"I have an endless drive for compassion for caring for the ill and i constantly strive for excellence, professionalism and commitment whilst delivering my nursing care. I enjoy the challenge of working in a fast paced and stressful environment which would DEFINITELY make the Critical Care setting very suitable for me. I am also committed to providing high standards of Nursing Care to the Critically ill and injured and efficiently meet or assist in meeting the physical, psychological, emotional and spirtitual needs of my patients. And lastly, i emphasized, I am solely driven by my passion to specialize in the Intensive Care Unit if given the opportunity"

Come on NUH! Please give me the ICU posting!
And by the way, whatever i had mentioned above, its essential for you all to note that i meant it, each and every word. No one has any goddam idea how much i want this and how much i'm into this. I told you i fell in love with Nursing....

2007-10-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

hey, hi, hello.

Work was alright. Actually learnt quite a bit today though it was rather busy and tiring. But like i said, i love it when its busy. Busy means Time passes faster and i'm always kept on my toes! Took 3 cases today, plus helped with a whole lot of admission stuff for the other cubicle. So that's 4 cases. I salute Aliff in TTSH who's taking 12 cases !! You da man ALIFF! hurhur! I'm actually quite sleepy, tomorrow's AM shift, gotta wake up reaaally early man. Oh well, am starting to already get the hang of this whole thing. My working blues have sorta reduced, well possibly coz i'm starting to adapt to the way things are and is going to be. Its been've almost 8 weeks since my life sorta took a whole new turnover. And i guess its time uh. well, change is inevitable. We all know that. And life always makes more. Short entry today. *Loves!

2007-10-15T14:33:00.000+08:00

helloooo worrldd..
Clare is in a superly great mood today. AND WHY"S THAT SO?
coz i'm having a HOLIDAY, but just for a day though. DAMN.
oh well, i'm soo gonna R&R today.
and freshen myself up before i go back to work tomorrow!
woots.
to all my muslim friends, Slamat Hari Raye !!
And to those who've asked me personally even after knowing my name is CLARE(a predominantly catholic name), as to how i celebrated hari raye, u all deserve to be shot! Lol. OKay i'm kidding, no no, I am not muslim and i DO NOT celebrate Hari Raya. Thank You.
Its 3.11PM, and i'm hungry! I shall not eat anything till later at Botak Jones (if its even gonna happen). Lets just hope i dont fall into boredom and then somebody should try smacking me in the face to remind me I badly needed this break so i should just shut up and relax! Lol. Dont get me wrong, i LOVE my job, its just sometimes being new at it all, you tend to give out too much love and care to your patients and colleagues, and at the end of the day you dont save enough for yourself or your OWN loved ones. Like they say, Moderation is needed and for now i believe the key to survive being a nurse would be to give out compassion, time and service to all you meet, always save some for the next one, and at the end of the day, still have enough for your own loved ones and yourself. Now THAT, is what i'm still struggling to do.
If i was fairly loaded, i'd be out on a shopping spree. I have so much to buy! I could list it all down and it'd prolly take forever.
But i must say i really really enjoyed my weekends! My weekends have been one of the best so far, ever since clinicals started i mean. Spent my saturday afternoon with nesh after his training, headed home for a whilee, and went to Ikea. Apart from the fact that he was abusing me with almost every item we found amusing there, not to mention, running around display items and chasing each other armed with attacking items, we made quite a scene i must say! We had swedish meatballs, chicken soup, pasta and daim cake for dinner! I lovee their swedish meatballs and their chicken soup is creamily yummy! And their daim cake- simply delectable. Stayed over his place and i tell you, waking up at 7am in the morning was depressing, i attended the glasshouse FOH meeting whicch was all bout SERVICE SERVICE SERVICE, i cant recall the number of times we were actually reminded about our 10 service sequence. This is what happens when you work for a service oriented company, not to mention the compulsory service pledge all staff would have to undertake before we commence work: I am a fisherian and i love my guests...ookkay i shall not go there. but once again, dont get me wrong i enjoy working at glasshouse, i love the service industry which is one of the reasons why i'm in Nursing. Thing is, the people you work with makes a huge difference and i loved how the way things were when i first started out in glasshouse but nonetheless i still do try to work at least once or twice a week there, due to my very busy attachment schedule. Like i said, i'm not working at glasshouse for the money. But for a few other reasons i shall not mention.
And so, getting back to how i spent my weekends, after the meeting, met nesh again after his training, headed to his place again for lunch and attempted to help him pack his stuff, and shift them all down to 3 blocks away from where i live. I kept feeling sleepy so much so that i ended up occupying his bed while he had to pack most of his stuff by himself! Its just a little weird that he's living 3 blocks away and i dont know why! Haha. Anyway, i know this entry is rather long but hey its gonna cover for the next few days when i wont be able to blog or should i say, wont have the TIME and energy to do so. ((:
Till then, cheerios!
LoveLove!

2007-10-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

well well, its been've a month
and
yes things have been pretty alright.
So far so good. Just completed 6.5 weeks of attachments with obviously some episodes of depression and all that crap.
I'm starting to get used to the way things are, of not having days off on the weekdays, not seeing him as often as i used to, change of shifts, not having enough time to finish writing reports, not having the time to even take 5 minutes off work to go to the toilet, going home waaayy after scheduled hours, dragging myself to work the very next day(at times), well all's not bad. i just like that i'm very involved in patient care right now rather than the days in Year1&2. It truly makes ALOT of difference. My Results were way above expectations and i certainly hope i get into NUS's Nursing Faculty, fingers crossed please! Things at home have'nt exactly been favourable, i mean the 49 year old XY chromosomed being in my house is'nt exactly being very pleasing to the mind or soul..makes me wanna move out after i graduate. But then again i could use the rental cash for so much things. sigh but living here is almost close to hell. i shall emphasize ALMOST. so here i go, locking myself in my room, away from him. Apart from that, life's been alright..just worried about a few things, as usual but somehow, i'm grateful to know he's gonna be around and if things are meant to turn out that way, then i guess we'd have to accept it and we'll go through it all together. So, i think i shall go catch some sleep. Good Night World. *Loves.

2007-09-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

its a tueeesdayy night, 2300hrs.
having spent the past 2 nights over at theinesh's place.
because i happened to be on a 7AM shift at A&E on monday and today itself.
I hate it when i get back, when you know you've spent a reasonable period of time with the person you love, and its just been've JUST the two of you, everything's irresistably saccharine and all. You know the i love you so much i just wanna hold you kinda feeling. and suddenly, when its time to leave for the day or the next few days being apart. It feels so different. I mean i start to ponder, why is it that time is'nt ever enough when i'm around him and it sucks feeling this way. I dont know what's it called but i've personally termed it separation syndrome. thankfully its effects wear off after a good night's rest which would be slightly different as well. dammit. anyway the A&E is really awesome. i know i've said it a tad too often but i think it pretty much suits me. Its definitely either the Intensive Care Unit or the Emergency Dept. What can i say, i mean, i pretty much love being in the fast lane. Have'nt had sufficient sleep recently considering the amount of AM shifts i've done. Which is the exact reason why i could NEVER hold a regular 8-5 job kinda thing. its mentally, emotionally and physically draining. So, off to catch 50 winks.
Good Night world.

2007-08-19T17:01:00.000+08:00

It is finally over!! NOT.

well, at least school and exams are so passe already.
its the holiidayys! (:
Just got back from the stayover at his place yesterday.
Thanks for the really big dinner treat baby! (:
and frankly speaking, i have NO idea what to do with my life right now.
As i was telling nesh,
I feel so lost, like you've just been've thrown out of school and being left to die kinda thing
i mean, well i am expecting PRCP to be HELL.
and i dont know how i'm gonna cope and certainly
i really hope things dont change that much.
I'm gonna miss so much about school, i'm starting to feel nostalgic.
First, i figured i could start by clearing off all my notes
and carrying out some spring cleaning for a fresh start.
The past few months have been real hectic and it sorta had some consequences on my room. lol.
Tomorrow's class outing at Sentosa with tim& his wife.
9am is really early to be at Harbourfront!! omigaawwwdd.
Well speaking of which, i had better start sleeping early.
No more wee hours in the morning bumming around at home or outside. BECAUSE
i'll have to start clinicals at CGH, yes people CHANGI.
2 hours bus ride man.
Wish me Luck.
Oh and how did exams go?
Brillianto !
Though i'm not sure if i can do as well as i wanted to. Like an A for NS5 and NURM.
Sigh, we'll see yeah. I mean i really do wanna try out for a seat at NUS's Nursing School.
May god grant me his grace and strength, Amen.
Okay i swear i was'nt exactly praying. *toodles!

2007-08-07T01:29:00.000+08:00

To those who attended my birthday party,
thanks a million..
To theinesh..words cannot describe how touched i am, really.
And with all that said.
its time to start mugging.
Friday is our napha(?) test..
seriously, being able to run in like under 16 mins, i'll be darn happy i tell you
considering the fact i have'nt ran in like wht months!
and yes i'm feeling fat though i have'nt gained any weight YET(*touch wood)
I wanna be 50 kg. i'm 55kg at 160 cm now.
50 would leave me at a BMI of 19.5..
I like how that number sounds. Now i have a BMI of like 21kg/m2..
i dont know how i'm gonna lose 5kg just like that, its gonna be tough(for someone like me)
but i'll make sure i do it..before the end of 2007.
The healthy BMI range for my height would be : 18.5 – 22.9kg/m2
Okay i seriously think i'm weight obsessed at this very moment.
I seriously wanna lose weight but i cant seem to find the goddam motivation or willpower to start exercise regularly AGAIN. damn!!
I WANNA LOSE 5 kg!!

2007-08-04T15:10:00.000+08:00

happy 19th to me.
Thank you so much to those who wished me.
Those whom i did'nt expect to, wished me.
Thanks alot people. appreciate it! ((:
I admit i thought things were gonna be sucky this year.
Worked like hell last night, just to end it all with a ICE COLD SHOWER "clothes-on" appraoch.
Thanks to the GH fisherians. Thanks for not making it such a horrible one also.
yes i admit i was lucky not to be thrown into the huge dirty green trash bin.
I started getting all emo and upset after hearing of a rumour.
but theinesh i know i made it a little difficult for you last night. I understand what you really needed was my support and my trust in you.
And despite my questions, i believe in you, i believe you were faithful.
And i'm sorry if i made you feel more stressed out than you already were.
Spent an hour or so with the fisherians at PS, with panjie, chai, din, khalid and sarah.
Was feeling a little cranky and all, then headed down to pasir ris, thank you for putting up with my cranky-ness.
Spent the night over his place, Rishi looked so cute today i tell you! Then went back homee earlier than usual, did'nt want mummy to complain so much since i have'nt been home much lately.
And it was on my journey back that i realized i did'nt need to spend today with anyone else. Just you, and you made everything alright, you were the one who can really keep me happy and i'm grateful i have you in my life.
As mushy as this might sound, i love you and it does'nt feel like my birthday but it feels like its our anniversary or something..i dont know how to explain it. You just make everything different and i like the feeling you give me. I wanna spend my other birthdays and your birthday with you..

2007-07-25T10:04:00.000+08:00

well well,
its been've so very long i know..thing is,
i cant seem to find the correct time and blogging mood to even blog.
alright,
so yesterday was my mom's birthday, not much of a big celebration though.
I could'nt get her anything i thought she might like, i mean seriously
the hardest person on earth to actually get a present for would be my mom.
So i bought dinner from pizza hut for my mom, cleo and myself.
there was too much food though.
Anddd, its about another 30 mins or so till i have to get ready for school..
today's the second rehearsal for the filming/photoshoot. and at 5pm i have to attend this SDAR "Round Table Discussion" meeting, which i heard was going to be a waste of time.
And frankly speaking, having to wait 3 hours after my rehearsal, just for that meeting IS really not gonna be worth it! Oh well, i'm just trying to enjoy my last 12 days in school, yes as Azri puts it, my life now(just for now) is pretty numbered. But i'm trying to get to the fact that everything must come to an end one fine day.
Schedule for Clinicals are out and i'm kinda sad that Beishan is'nt in the same ward as me for that wholee 6 weeks. Things are definitely gonna be different without her!
And i've run out of things to say...besidess its a little too early for me, considering the very little amount of sleep i've gotten the past week..Exams are just around the corner and my practical assessment just so happens to be next monday at 1100hrs.
Sigh.
Toodles!
XD

2007-07-07T16:43:00.000+08:00

WELL WELL..
lets see..
i kinda regret not working yesterday, i feel so so bad towards Eric
I mean he's a really nice guy and all but i dont want to make it seem like i'm taking advantage of that fact. Anyway, went bowling with the guys at Marina, man i cant remember the last time i actually bowled. Seemed like it was eons agoo. Went all the way home and just as i was about to reach my doorstep Ayu called for us to go down to town, for a drink. Little did i know nesh&her were gonna get OH SO HIGH. and yes, i must say it was quite entertaining watching or at least listening to their conversations of "drunken words are sober thoughts". Nesh wanted to eat prata so we headed to clarke quay to satisfy his cravings..which was eventually too big for either of us to finish. I remember Ayu comparing one of it to the size of her face and yes the prata won. Its goddam big i tell you. Wasted food, unwillingly...headed to the sitting areas near fullerton. Slept, sang along to emo songs, talkedd..aall the way till 5.30am where i was starting to feel the punch of not being able to sleep for 20 hours after drinking..and started to get grouchy and tired and was coming up with a tummyache. I dont know why but i always tend to have an episode of diarrhea after a drinking session..so i decided to go home via cab while nesh and ayu took a train home. Got home and slept for only 5 freaking hours! Like WHAT THE HELL mann
and now, i am extremely drowsy so i think i shall take a short nap before heading for Eugene's Wedding Dinner in Yishun..I was pretty much looking forward to it this week but i guess with the neuro state i'm in..makes the bed a much more enticing option..bleah !

Good night. World.

2007-06-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

i'm so doomed.
i dont understand why is it i've become so needy all of a sudden
and i hate seeing myself that way.
I hate the fact that i wish to see or be with him all the time.
It just scares me.
And i think maybe i should take things slowly.
For we never know what the future might bring.
Right?
Sigh..
I have to move away from this addiction.
It could just be my greatest downfall
and the start of many problems, which i would not like to see appearing.
THE END

2007-06-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

Today was a loveelly day.
School was boring, learned all about the A Line.
Arterial Line in the ICU.
Missed out on results and stuff.
shiit mann.

Time was well spent with nesh today.
Went aaalll the way to pasir ris 204
thenn we were monkeying around like kids at the fitness corner
with me swinging on monkey bars and stuff like that
I miss swinging on monkey bars!
Thennn we headed to Changi Village AGAIN.
hee.
i love that place.
Has a rustic charm to it.
I wanna go ter pulau ubin and i wanna fish.
But SOMEBODY is'nt free this weekend, :(
so i guess i'll have to wait till the next weekend.
hmmphh!
lol.
But i really enjoyed myself todayy..

It was really time well spent.
And so its another day at school tomorrow.
Sooo
GOOD NIGHT world.

2007-06-24T22:51:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt,
that the one person u want to be with
somehow does'nt feel quite the same way.
Its like they say someone can be the right one for you
but you might not necessarily be the right one for that person
somehow, i'm feeling that way
that maybe, or at least what it seems to me is that
I dont actually make you very happy
I dont know what i'm doing wrong, it could help if you told me
but, thing is..i dont really know how you truly, feel about me.
I still remember when you said..
"if you're already so naggy now..i dont know about next time"
it could sorta imply alot of things right?
andd..
i said something about you needing anger management..
and you told me the reason is obvious..
somehow implying i'm always making you angry..

Maybe Ayu is right..
I should'nt think about the future right now..
If it happens it happens..
but thing is..
i'm not a day to day kinda person
I like to think ahead..

I dont know what to do..
I dont want to fall so deep, and in the end, come to realize that i'm not the person, my boyfriend would want to have in future..
or realize that, I actually dont or I cant keep him happy..
i mean, its almost as good as not being together right?

But i hate letting go.
If only i knew the truth, the real truth about how you really feel.

2007-06-24T01:56:00.001+08:00

HELLOO..

today was fishing day.
am a little tired to like describe the events.
Both sad and happy.
Overall i really did enjoy myself,
slaying innocent sleepy seaworms, watching them bleed to death
hanging out with ayu and nesh.
and watching live sized planes fly by above us.
Each time i saw the Jetstar and SIA planes,
made me miss Bangkok even more.
So many memories.
I can still remember the time i actually stepped into singapore,
after a month. All the screaming over the phone with aishah. dear aishah
i miss that girl and the other poly bestie.
i somehow am missing u as well..
good night world

2007-06-24T01:56:00.000+08:00

2007-06-21T14:17:00.000+08:00

This is going to get lengthy and personal
but i swear its the deepest i'm gonna get ever.
Actually, i dont quite know where to start
i've got so much to say, to put into writing
So i guess, i'll start from here.
Today, I woke up this morning,
and i thought about my life, thought about my dad(who pissed me off in the morning),
thought about him.

Annd..
it got me all scared and wondering.
Plans for my future just kept flashing through my mind, i knew what i had wanted to do already, career wise and when i turn 26, i also knew the problems with my dad would eventually be temporary or at least i would'nt be staying with him the rest of my life. And then, i thought about him. You know, call me foolish or crazy but i think i've come to a point in time whereby i start thinking about a partner for a lifetime, i shan't mention the M word because frankly it scares me even, but lets just keep it to "partner for a lifetime".

Believe it or not, I woke up these few days with a very light, pleasant little feeling in my heart, its one of those feelings which sets you in the mood for everything, its one of those feelings which can make you say to yourself or even out loud "I LOVE MY LIFE".
And deep down i know the source of all that is him.

Pity Me but, i dont remember feeling this way about anyone else and this is as frank as i'm gonna get and that is i dont want to have to give him up and let go.

For many of our close friends who have inevitably seen us arguing. I mean, every couple argues, maybe we argue sometimes a tad too often...like

"I'm telling him, please dont smoke and all that because apparently he was wheezing and coughing, i hate to be seen as naggy and so happened he said i was nagging..and told me to shut up..well i hate it when people tell me to shut up, particularly my boyfriend. So, i get a little pissed and all and decide to throw a little tantrum by closing down all conversation windows with him and everyone else and then i tell myself i'm not gonna talk to him until he apologizes ! And then 1 minute later, i open up a new chatbox with him telling him he's really mean and all that stuff..and then minutes later we're talking like normal human beings again."

Its that kinda stuff that i cannot seem to understand, its like i cant help but i keep falling over and over.

"Everyone knows he can get quite, well ermm abusive or violent playfully and so yeah, there he goes about with his usual routine of irritating me(i reckon he could live a day without doing so) by what..pinching whatever subcutaneous fatty tissue i have on me..or worst, biting me. Which yes does eventually lead to alot of bruising and excruciating pain and sometimes even tears. And he hateess it when i start to even tear and just because i am tearing he starts to get the wrong idea that i'm upset. I mean look at this, sometimes tearing is like a natural reflex, its like when we get our ears pierced, the pain is sudden and instant that you'll just tear. It that kinda thing you know, like I REALLY CANT HELP IT ! Maybe because i cry ever too easily i mean its not like i can help my emotions sometimes. And then we start arguing over me tearing and i insist its not that i'm upset or anything but that its purely unintentional or uncontrollable and he'll insist that i 'm CRYING. you see there's a difference between crying and tearing. Lol. But its quite amusing or should i say entertaining to see that annoyingly adorable look on his face when i start tearing(uncontrollably). Its like HAH ! And then I think to myself, how in the world did i get to fall so hard for this idiot right next to me. "

Scenario 3 is like probably the most common one.
"I'll go hey that guy is hot. And he'll be like OH..checking out other guys in front of me all la. And then he starts well abusing me playfully again. And thenn, he just has to, duplicate whatever i just did and starts checking out other girls in a so very obvious way its funny and sometimes yes pisses the shit out of me. And so I'll get all frustrated and give him cold "i am so gonna kill you" stares which eventually leads him to saying "What! At least I check them out in front of you kinda thing" And then! that's the weird part..like HELLO, at least I was checking guys out in front of YOU and i did'nt make it so dead obvious, i dont say HI to the guy or give them my cheeky smiles! And then yes, there we go, its World War 4 after that, with a few exchanges of pinches and kicking and all that...Annndd after all that, we somehow end up laughing or me(tearing) and yeah hugs and kisses, yay ! happy ending. "

I mean seriously, it is a happy ending. I dont know, maybe its just the irritating part of the person you'll come to miss when he or she is gone. And i'll miss so much about him if we ever have to part.

I would say this relationship changed me because i dont get petty and angry over nitty gritty details ANYMORE like no calls or msges, well sometimes i do wonder why i dont get them but i like the space i get from him and still i am glad that he still does get jealous sometimes. I mean, to me, a little jealousy is always a good sign. I mean a person has got to learn to be a little possessive and a little flexible at times. Something which i can proudly say i've learnt very much from him.

I also like the fact or should i say appreciate the fact that we dont see each other everyday even though we're in the same school and same course, i love the way i miss him sometimes and its nice to know that someone you love misses you too. It makes you treasure your time much more when you're together alone and mind you we really do not get very much time alone, like just the two of us and i suppose it really does have its benefits ! (:

There's so much i can say, and as strange as it might be, i think we're better off now than when we first started off. People always say your first few months would be the honeymoon months, but call us weird or whatever you wish, i think i pretty much like the "us" now, than what we were 4 months ago. I'm pretty happy with the way things are right now, and i can only hope for the better. I'm happy with the fact that my mum likes him and my family knows about his existence and somewhat prefers him to the ex boyfriend. I dont like switching boyfriends like underwear, i mean everyone knows I am a long term person. I certainly cant say what's ahead for me or for us in the future, but even though we all have our doubts and questions sometimes, those things can be compromised and i'm quite sure I would want to see Him in the years of my life to come, and i can only pray and hope that he is feeling the same way as well.

And so, if you're reading this, theinesh..
I know how much I irritate you sometimes(okay, ALL the time) and YES you do irritate me as well and sometimes we do argue. And i know you're usually not very upfront about your feelings and your hopes wishes and dreams for us(okay that sounded cheesy).. but I hope and pray for the best, for the both of us and certainly i wish for you, the same happiness that you give to me.

yaii rwwoffee roo !

Till then, Goodbye world.
(: