Tuesday, June 24
finally an update.
Well, lets just say i've been caught up in work work work lately. Had my first massive break-down since i started just last week. It was as if the pressure was too much to bear and even though i felt like i was trying to give my best, mistakes still arised and expectations of seniors were'nt met. Some of them passed sacarstic remarks and it definitely made me feel like they did'nt understand that i was a freshly graduated staff with ZILCH Critical Care Nursing Experience and besides i have officially only been there for 1 month, considering that the first month was filled with orientations and training sessions.
That breakdown session which i remember vividly started the moment i got home..i cried myself to sleep and then when i woke up, chatted with aishah and beishan and they both comforted me a great deal, thanks besties..and then the more i thought about it, i started crying over the phone to nesh. I really did'nt know who else to turn to. And what he said was right, that he knows i wont give up that easily knowing that i've always wanted to be in the ICU. And that, I am new and mistakes were bound to happen and that what's important is that i learn from them. And all that just sort of stopped the crying. The next day i went to work, hoping things would get better, it did, but still had my fair share of having sacarstic remarks being passed at but apart from a 5 minutes of crying.. i picked myself up and told myself to be strong and not let remarks affect me.
And now, i believe that every new nurse will go through this. Like many have said, the first 6 months is'nt going to be easy. And i know just why. Because people are always going to be watching you and everything has to be perfect. In the ICU there is no room for mistakes. You make a mistake and you learn hard from it. At least at where i'm working that is.
Today was a relatively alright day..once in a while, there will be someone who lifts you up when another has brought you down and i guess that's just life. I was really busy, but managed to clear ONE skill on my checklist. And by the end of the day, i was hungry, tired and sleepy. But Pay day is tomorrow! *hee.
Till then, cheerrioooosss!!
impulsively and honestly,
yours truly
9:17 PM
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