Monday, February 19
Café del Mar !!
i doubt the music is my kinda music but the layout and the atmosphere sure does look like the perfect place to sip my bourbon, lay back, watch the sunset, the waves folding in onto the sand and yeah, chill with great friends.
But, its budget month and i'm trying really hard to save as much as i can to spend in Bangkok.
I'm trying not to worry bout some things, coz if it happens, i dont know what i'd do. All i can do now is wait&pray. Its actually drawn me away from it. Its not like i can help it, i sorta asked for it. In other words, its partially my fault and i cant help but be worried sick right now. sighh.
So as i try to not worry so much, the problems at home are simply piling and i dont know what i can do to help. Its not like i dont have a set of problems of my own. I hope everything goes well for Lynn simply because she's been such a good mother to Micah so much so that i believe she deserves every right to see him. But then again, i felt like she did'nt need to blow the whole issue up, but i thought to myself, everyone makes mistakes, even adults.
Chinese New Year is'nt exactly exciting as i thought it'd be, i'm thankful i'm not gonna be spending like a month in singapore because spending 2 days at home is boring enough. Cant wait for attachments to start and then by then my fickle-mindedness would be wishing for a long holiday or break since the ride or road trips to far away Hougang would certainly be rather tedious and i think its gonna be a daily hassle. I just pray that time will be kind to me and not allow my late tendencies to set in. I do have tendencies to be late, well for almost everything. but the last thing i certainly need is to be late for my final clinical attachment of my life in Year 2.
The next attachment i'll be having in year 3 will sadly be the most unwelcomed 6 month attachment which happens to be on the 28th August 2007, that's like dooms day, judgement day, the works. So i have exactly 4 more months in school. Its amazing how time flies. I still have no idea what the future holds for me but thinking bout even graduation does scare me sometimes.
For starters, i could breakaway from things or the people i'm so used to being with or having. I hate the whole separation anxiety thing which i am very confidant i'd experience when i leave. But then again, graduation is good, working life means i am totally on my own, i'll be 20 by then, an old friend had told me before that moving out is'nt exactly the best decision i should make, but, we'll see. I like my independence and at the same time am trying to free myself from it, since i'm like always so dependent on people closest to me, especially the ones i love and yes its time i realize that not everyone or everything stays the way they were and that change can sometimes be difficult to adapt to, i dont want to be caught coping maladatively. So, i've said this many times, i will change.
i will change, i dont want to be the emo wreck that you know or everyone knows. So i breakaway.
I've heard that this 6 month attachment would be a life-turning point. so i'm sorta embracing it.
I also hope the bangkok trip would do some good, i mean i'm sure it would. but its supposedly supposed to teach me to be independent, learn how to make better decisions, you know the whole "grow holistically" theory and no matter how absurd it might seem. i must say i am looking forward to see that change.
So its exactly a month.
Before i say sa wat di kha bangkok.
impulsively and honestly,
yours truly
4:00 PM
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