Saturday, October 7
watched scoop yesterday.
and yes, drank.
i think my alcohol tolerance is increasing.
and that's bad, cause i'm gonna start losing the "kick" when i drink just a little bit.
for the first time,
after drinking a bottle of long island tea.
and mind you, i drank it within 10 minutes as compared to the usual 20-30minutes
and i was'nt one bit, not even an inch high or a little tipsy
like it used to get me.
i'm not saying it used to get me high or drunk.
i could just feel the alcohol or just a little high, kinda feeling.
now, its like as though i just drank a bottle of coke kinda thing
bad, bad bad.
was just thinking..
the ex boyfriend told me this once.
"clare, you're a loser for players, you know that right?
somehow you always fall for people who will end up playing you."
and i thought about it. and laughed.
somehow, its fucking true.
not once, not twice, not thrice, not even four.
fuck, am i dumb or dumb ?
okay maybe the 2nd and 3rd does'nt count
cause eventually,
things did work out,
and it ended up to be good FAITHFUL relationships.
its funny, when u become good friends with your exes.
because you only learn the truth of everything sometimes
like how, deepan was'nt actually serious about our relationship during the first 4 months.
yes, that idiot actually admitted it himself. MF !!
but, apparently, i miracuously managed to change his whole idea of a relationship.
and yeah, it lasted a year and a half
with both the good and the bad times.
but certainly, the best i've ever had.
it may not sound like it, actually unbelievable.
i mean, we had so much arguments and all that.
but its true. i mean, i was in my best form of life,
in terms of school, family, work, everything.
to sum it all up, you brought out the best in me.
deep, thanks for teaching me the hard way about some things in life.
for teaching me, that life is'nt all about being attached.
it is'nt all about having a companion
ironically, you taught me to treasure my friends alot.
you taught me the importance of studying, you pushed me to where i am right now
you taught me not to settle for mediocre grades because i could do better
you first believed in me, in what i loved doing and that was nursing.
even though friends and my family did'nt support me one bit.
mmm..you taught me to see the best in others, and not just their flaws.
somehow, you've made me wiser, changed me from that very very bitchy clare to a less bitchy and a little bimbo clare that you now know.
most importantly, you taught me to stick up for myself(since i was always so prone to getting taken advantaged of), you taught me courage.
most importantly, you taught me love.
and for all that, i thank you. sincerely from the depths of my heart. i mean it.
you know, we both want different things and we just wont work out.
but like you said, we'd always remain good friends, just like we were in the past.
and thinking about all that,
i've already had the best.
no feelings whatsoever, but..
i wont settle for anyone less.
unless that person can match you, or exceed it.
Lol.
impulsively and honestly,
yours truly
3:55 PM
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