Monday, September 18
i dont know how to put this.
but my journey to work and journey home these days has been the only time i've been actually allowed to think about things.
to alex, this may seem harsh..but..
at times it gets frustrating, for you i know, when it seems that no matter how hard you try, things does'nt go its way.
trust me, i know exactly how you feel.
but i cant change the way i feel.
i dont know why, and i dont know why this whole percentage thing is'nt moving.
i dont mean to place you 2nd best or whatsoever.
i actually do not exactly have a ranking kinda thing either.
but..
it gets frustrating, for me, when you try to push into things, but like i said,
you dont know me,
you dont know me well enough, and opening up and sharing my thoughts and feelings is'nt something i'd do for everyone or anyone. its gotta come naturally for me and somehow i've gotta be able to trust you. thing is, i have a problem with trusting people. if you can ask me things like how's work or school and i could answer more than just an alright or great, like going into the details..then i'd say you ought to count yourself lucky. thing is, i really dont trust many people and i guess you've just gotta earn it. you really need to know me, learn me. know what i want, what i love, know my dreams, know what i plan to do in future, before you say you love me. because you might not think the same after all that you know..
you need to make me, feel willing to share my feelings etc. i need to feel comfortable, doing so..
i dont know and i should'nt be doing this, i dont intend to tell you how to know me, but, somehow, you're not getting it. i'm not as easy to read, i change my mind like the weather, i am fickle minded yes, and i just would'nt let anyone into my mind or my heart that easily..even if i do, it'll be half-hearted and till the day i really give it my all..then i'd say, i've put my whole heart into it. and right now, you know, only one person can take that place..
i really dont know how else to tell you, coz each time, you dont seem to get it, you dont seem to know or bother about what matters to me and what not..
at least i dont feel like you do..
i dont know what else to say, i dont know how else to get the point to you..
you just need to get it
i'm sorry.i'm really not in a right state of mind right now.
impulsively and honestly,
yours truly
11:39 PM
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