Saturday, September 2
fcuk fcuk fcuk fcuk.....
the father as usual,
is giving me problems again
i dont see why he must be such a bastard.
fcukkkkkkkkk llllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sometimes i wish he would fcuking just get the hell out of here.
pardon me for being unfilial whatever.
but its not like he's making things or life for that matter any easier for us
neither is he of any help or use.
and i'm sorry that i have to resort to profanities.
i dont wish to relate many years of stories as in to why i dislike, or maybe hate him so much.
or basically have no respect for him whatsoever.
but, imagine, how it is like, to feel threatened and afraid half your life,
of that one person to whom, many consider as your "loved one" or the "father".
lets just put it this way.
everyone knows i hate and am afraid of violence, people shouting at people or at least people shouting at me, venting their anger on me.
somehow, i have a weak heart for all that.
and the reason why is
because it reminds me very very very well of the father.
sometimes it seems better to mentally put the blame on mom for actually marrying someone like him.
and come to think of it,
i SWEAR, i promise, i'd never have my kids grow up the way i did.
i'll never marry someone hot tempered and violent.
mommy should have done it..
she should have thought about us.
why did'nt she ?
or she would'nt have lost Leon so long ago.
and Lynn, would'nt have packed her bags at 23 or worst still,
would'nt cry on the night before her wedding
and then, she would'nt be losing me when i'm 21 or
at least after i finish serving my bond. because the father
happens to be one of my gurantors.
and then i hope she wont lose cleo as well.
cleo's still young.
somehow, i feel like its my duty,
since i'm all he's got in this house.
i try to be around for him as much as i can.
and apparently, he's starting to be like me when i was his age
i see the trend.
and i know the reason why.
someone once told me, a home, is your family,
your family, is a home.
i'd tell the person now, a home, to me, is just a home.
dammit i need to get out of here.
impulsively and honestly,
yours truly
3:49 PM
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