Tuesday, August 29
i woke up earlier, somehow, trying to find a way or words to say,
to make you understand.
that it was'nt intentional, disappointing you.
it kept me awake throughout the night.
you know how i feel about you.. and at times, i so much want to know what you're feeling too even if it is'nt what i'm feeling. i just want to know, if all this is for real. i dont want to wake up, feeling devastated knowing that its all a dream one day. i'm not expecting you to make a decision now. i just need to know, if its for real. i did'nt want you to think of me in the worst way ever
i did'nt want anything to affect the way you thought about me.
but now i've realized, no one's perfect, and i am not perfect.
and even as a friend, i'd hope you'll accept me for that.
people make mistakes. and yes, he was my mistake.
that was the main reason why i was very afraid to tell you
besides, you were the only one that knows and its not like i'd normally go around telling
everyone who asks.
basically, it just was'nt easy for me..
but at the end of it all, i took a risk, knowing that the chances of you looking at me in that manner would be very high,
i pushed aside all my thoughts, feelings and doubts away,
and figured that if i was gonna be fair and sincere to you,
the least i could do, was to admit it
i dont know what you're thinking about now
i certainly certainly hope you dont hate me in anway.
i'm just hoping you'd forgive me.
i hope i have'nt driven you away..
because that's the last thing i'd want to happen
please dont be angry.
i dont know what else to say. i've never been at such a loss of words.
and i apologize sincerely, with all my heart.
i'll make it up to you, that's the best i can do.
this may sound desperate,
but sometimes, there's so much feelings crossing my mind,
that's like.. its necessary to at least let it out. at least a little.
and that is, you mean something to me.
just thought you should know that.
please take care.
how in the world did i crumble down and fall like that ?
i never wanted to be like this.
i never wanted to be the insane one.
i'm going out for a breather.
i ought to take a run.
and i think i just will do that...
someone asphyxiate me.
impulsively and honestly,
yours truly
5:48 AM
-------
