Lepidotera Princesse

Friday, June 2

this is affecting me a great deal.
why is it so hard?
there must be a way i can keep my mind off things.
its only the first day
and all i can do is to sit here and wait for your call
that is if the phone's ever going to ring.
at least not till 11pm.

was thinking of heading to Macs at Yew Tee to join
Cheryl, Vans, Aliff, Clement there for overnight studying.
but i'm not too sure myself.
spent the evening studying in school.
i guess it was'nt as fruitful as i had expected.
hiding myself in a corner,
afraid if i cried, others would see
but it was good that i found a corner
because i did cry.
all because of sappy love songs that played on the iPod.
how idiotic.
and then i realize how different things would be after all this.
i have no idea whether it'll have a positive outcome or what so ever
but i'm keeping my phalanges crossed that we'll come out of it sooner
the better and with as minimal change, as possible.

They say Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
i hold true testimony to that right now.
somehow it makes you treasure a person more.
afterall,
i had always been meeting that love of my life every single day of my life
i wont deny the fact that it does get monotonous at times.
but i'm happy ,
we spent the last few days together memorably and i liked it.
it'd probably be the last time we could hang out like that.
Because by the time he's done with ns,
i would have graduated and i'd be a Staff Nurse.
and then, there's lesser time.
But then again, that's in two years.
two years equals to 24 months.
and i don't know how much i'd be able to handle for 24 months.
but i'm trying my utmost best
to be or at least seem understanding.

took a cab today
and had a awfully long conversation with the cab driver
he asked me what i was studying
i said Nursing
and he said.
Oh nursing. Its for people who are caring.
And you look like you are a very caring person.

*i was thinking...RIGHT.
but hey, i'm caring ohkay!

i'm still listening to stupid love songs that only make things worst
and i'm left with no choice but to ground myself tomorrow and sunday
so that i'd concentrate on the common tests.
i keep telling myself its the final week . its the final week
but i cant seem to concentrate. And the cherry of it all is that he's not around
That's not exactly cherry right.
sigh.

enough of blabbering. i had wanted to just splatter thoughts here.
i apologize for being so emotional and complainative(if there's even such an adjective).
i cant help it as its my only avenue to do so.

i really really miss you.
counting down the days we would be together.
i'm not in control anymore. i'm losing myself.
i cant help but cry. i just can't help but cry.
i'm sorry.
i'm trying to understand. i'm trying my best.
you know it is'nt easy
but we'll pull through right ?
we're not the only ones.
we'll pull through...
right????

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impulsively and honestly,
yours truly

9:01 PM

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