Wednesday, April 19
if not being able to sleep when its currently 7am in the morning, since 4am, is'nt insomnia. I don't know what is. Strangely, it frightens me each time i was going to proceed to my land of nod. I cannot believe, I am not involved. Since the start of last year, i said i would and loved to take part in it. And now i'm stuck in somewhere i don't belong to. It scares me so much because this is'nt who i really am. Right? Lecturers are disappointed, they tell me, they tell me, don't wait but how am i to tell them the real reason why i did'nt go? Its almost impossible. I am just waiting in anticipation the day you go away. I'd hope, those 2 years could change us both in some way or another. If it dose'nt, that's when i'll pack my bags and memories and kiss us goodbye. Because what worth would it be if we were'nt happy after all. At least if I was'nt happy. I'm selfish, no doubt about it, but think about it, who's the selfish one because what i'd enjoy doing would seem like a criminal blunder to you. This is probably the reason why i'm insomniac because all my really close friends are at camp. And here i am, wishing i was there. This dose'nt make sense at all and it hurts so bad that i can't explain and believe what i've become. This just is'nt me. But then again, you'd never understand..would you?
Till June the 2nd, i'd cry and hopefully i don't contradict myself and be crying myself daily, missing your presence. Then this entry would be almost redundant in that case. But i figured i'd have a good time despite being lonely for sometime. It'll be like me single for 5 days a week. Now, is'nt that great? WHY NOT ? i MISS singlehood. Here's a list of what i've planned to do during those days.1. Switch to GLs-if the camp was successful
2. Join either one of the following
- Hockey
- Netball
- Touch Rugby Club
- NP Ambassadors!
(i wanted track but training starts at 5 on Mon,wed,Fri. I end classes at like 6!!)
3. Catch up with old friends.
4. Finally really hang out with clique.
5. GO SHOPPING!!!!!!!
i think i should get some sleep. its Leon's ROM at 1pm. Would appreciate the rest.
impulsively and honestly,
yours truly
6:55 AM
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