hold on if you feel like letting go.
i feel like i have never felt this tired after a night shift last night,
even if i've already had more than 8 hours of sleep.
even if i've already had more than 8 hours of sleep.
Maybe its due to the fact that i will be on for a morning shift tomorrow.
I feel sick actually.
Well, its not that hard to be falling sick these days,
Considering that;
1) The weather has been've bizarre lately.
Mostly it'll be because of
2) The crazy working conditions we're made to work in the past few days, days would be an understatement. Weeks.
Rostering and staffing have been've bad,
having you to be moving around alot, and it does'nt help when your patient acuity is high or that patients these days tend to be alot much sicker and you can barely rely on anyone especially when you're on shift during the day because majority of the staff are very junior staff whom somehow, never seem to be 1. around to help. 2. available enough to ask for help.
And i clearly do not remember being like that when i was in their shoes.
And you cant expect anything from the already mentally and physically drained in-charge who already has cases to herself and a few more other very junior staff to oversee.
Like i've told a few people, working in ccu, is starting to get depressing,
You seldom get to be on shift with "your" kind of people and you're already busy to your wits and then you're alone. Now, that SUCKS.
I dont know how to explain it all but it just feels just like that.
And its not like luck has been've by my side lately, having been've attracting very busy shifts lately.
I cannot recall when was the last time i've had a peaceful night shift.
but ironically, i very much prefer the night shifts because of the more familiar faces and they're the ones you know you can count on to pull through together even if its just 4 pathetic staff nurses tending to a full intensive care unit.
4 nurses to 12 patients does'nt look like its fit enough to be called "intensive care nursing" sometimes.
It never used to be this bad when i first started out!
Nonetheless, i still love what i do and where i'm at.
but i'm extremely tired right now,
Hopefully, everything gets back in place and someone would get back to a more sane state of mind about the way things should be planned and managed.
Here are the some of the people that still keep me sane these days.
Oh have i mentioned, i'm officially a twilight fan!
I read both twilight and new moon within 2 days each! I'm trying to see where i can get eclipse and breaking dawn from. :(
till then,
cheerios!
The ones that keep me sane at work, minus shah who's gone though..
The cousin whom never fails to entertain me.
And last but not least, the love; my very own safe harbour, my motivator, the one person whom i knew would understand it all. (:
yours truly
11:26 PM
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Party like a rockstar
helloo all! happy 2009 first and foremost!
It definitely sucks having to be back at work again, i feel so drained and moodless. Tomorrow i'll be on night.
My annual leave was AWESOME.
i did'nt go overseas as i usually would.
But i spent every day, drinking and partying.
Which officially ended today at 2.30am thereafter i headed for morning shift at 7am.
A total of 11 days of partying. I dont know what more i could ask for to end off 2008.
Anyway, here are some pictures to stimulate your senses. (:
till then,
(:
yours truly
10:38 PM
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sleighbells ringing.
good evening worldd!
first and foremost, merry christmas in advance because am sure i wont be here on xmas itself!
The past few days have been busy busy busy!
Running around rushing to get presents for almost everyone i know.
Since i've been so busy with work.
So from where i left off, i have been drinking alot the past few days and will be AGAIN in days to come, i'm literally putting my liver to the test.
First was drinking with the colleagues at clarke quay a few days ago..
2 days ago it was this extremely random drinking session with clinton,
and then today its xmas eve!
Partay-ing at clarke quay with the boyfriend and his siblings.
And then on xmas itself which is tomorrow, probability of a drinking session at night is pretty much confirmed.
On the 26th, its clubbing at oBar with the colleagues
after which,
Masquerade House Party with the cousins.
On the 27th, its dear clinton's 21st.
And if i do decide to go, i'll have alcohol running through my very veins again.
And then its a wrap, i'll literally be fasting from alcohol on sunday.
Until new year's eve of course..
And thennn its back to work next wednesday, am on Annual Leave btw!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Okay,
this is to my dear liver,
I am utterly sorry for the sins i am about to commit within the next few days.
But as much as i love you and i know you feel the same way,
I believe in you and i believe that nothing will stand in your way,
You will pull through the hard times and i promise i'll stand by you no matter what.
even if it means liver dialysis. Lol.
Okay, TOUCH WOOD.
To all those who bother reading this,
HAVE A VERY VERY MERRY XMAS
have fun and drink in moderation ! Lol
RIGHT
till then!
Cheerios! (((:
yours truly
7:41 PM
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whatever you like.
Just woke up a few minutes ago, had my lunch or early dinner since its already 30 minutes to 4.
Will mean having to get ready for work in a jiffy.
I'm glad i'm hangover free!
My virgin experience at zoukout was pretty much an experience.
Nesh and i both wished we could have hung around a little longer.
Had pre drinks at the hotel which pretty much brought in the perfect state of high and by the time we headed down to the beach, i think i was almost sober! =X
Hah.
My liver's still working very hard, and thats good.
Met up with clinton and cabbed home at 8am. And was totally zonked out from 10 am onwards.
Not many pictures, but i shall post it up on facebook.
And azhar if you're reading this..
I'm pretty serious about our barbeque session plus "partaking in holy water" session
Or at least we could have a Xmas cum preNew year dinner and then head somewhere for drinks.
Anyway about my entire disappointment with the hospital,
i thought about it and have made my plans.
Since i have 2.5 more years to go to complete my bond, i'll take as much as i can get.
Be trained, get my degree and then we'll see how it goes. (:
But i certainly hope not too many familiar faces leave during that phase or else i seriously think it'll be another reason not to stay. But then again, as it is, i m already aware of the current and prospective statistics in months/years to go. :(
Oh well,enough for all that, for now..
Shall hit the shower and head to work. Night Shift..
Sighh.. wish i could have the sunday off because nesh wont be getting any off for the next 12 days!
I'm just taking heart in the fact that its a weekend night, slightly more allowance?
Am only looking forward to one thing now,
KOREA AND HONG KONG!!
I seriously hope there'll be enough people to fill up the spaces for Korea, because we'll be heading off with a tour group for Korea..Otherwise what else is there to look forward to?!
Lol.
Till thenn...
XOXO
yours truly
4:27 PM
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Loved with a fire red, now its turning blue.
when your name is pegged to look after something or an object/item, a process, a system,
and since nothing and no one is perfect, and something goes wrong. And you are not the cause or the reason it has happened(or the person who has caused it for that matter), is it fair for everyone to put the blame on you?
Is it fair for people, to assume that the reason why it has happened, is because of you?
Is it fair if the problem which you never knew existed, which was already there days or hours ago, and considering the fact that no one has told you and that there was no way that you could have known it even existed. Is it fair, if people blamed you for your negligence?
Is it fair, that because you have your reasons for carrying out something different as compared to the usual norm , even though it has absolutely no negative impact and you know that what you are doing is perfectly normal, is it fair that you get screamed or looked down at for that reason ?
The past few days, it has gotten me to realize that pleasing everybody has almost become a serious business, OR ELSE, you get fucked or blamed for it even though you know that 1) it is not even your fault, 2) you slipped, because we do forget at times or because there are other much more significant life-threatening situations and patient centered situations that need to be attended to. 3) even though you know you gave your best.
Frankly, in short, i'm starting to get tired of the way things are being done, people leaving, some people becoming unreasonable, your instituition does'nt exactly give a damn about what you think or what you have to say, their inflexibility, their selfishness, their anal-ness. Its pissing me off and i'm getting fucking tired. Even though its just been've 7 months. And i've got 2.5 more years to go, and right now, i sincerely wish i could just go. But because i used to have such zest and love for this place, because there are still people here i respect and enjoy being with, but because i know there might still be something that can be offered, I still am fond of the place.
But i'm pretty sure my fondness has its time limitations if things turn greyer.
I've thought of my other options, some of them even suggest that i leave the profession in a whole.
But frankly, nothing else suits me as much as this and right now i'm stilll very much in love with what i've studied for, the past 3 years and definitely no regrets.
Only time will tell.
Till then,
Goodbye.
yours truly
9:47 PM
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ahnnyeong haseyo.
((:
I know it might sound crazy, but i really really would like this to go as plan!
Considering the jetsetter in me, nesh and i have decided to add on Korea in our HK trip next March! (:
It'll be winter! And we're planning to snow ski !
Although its still 3 months away, i'm extremely excited and i'm definitely looking forward to it.
So it'll be Korea for 5 days, then we'll be head to Hong Kong thereafter.
All thanks to Cathay Pacific Airways that allows such convenient travelling.
Had wanted to get SQ flights instead, but they dont fly to HK from Korea!
Work was rather mundane except that i was amazed at how much sputum my patient could produce within an hour. Apart from that, it was only when the night staff arrived had i started talking a little bit more.
Basically the staff during my shift were'nt exactly the ones i was close to, and it was a pretty boring and quiet shift i must say.
Anyway, am on standby to be called in for night shift tomorrow. I hope they call me, i just dont feel like working in CMU in the afternoon tomorrow.
Apart from that, payday has officially been've announced to be on the 18th.
Despite the economic recession, i'm hoping our bonus would be worth all the work we put in, not forgetting the shit that we get sometimes.
Dont get me wrong, i dont hate my job.
In fact i love what i do, its just that, well, every dog has its day.
Apart from the bonus, i think i'm even more excited about the trip with nesh next year.
I want 2009 to be knocking at my doorstep like reaalllyy soon!
I've actually started learning to read korean.
I can read like 20 korean syllables and spell them out inits romanized version.
All that just within 30minutes.
Yes, i'm THAT excited.
And i certainly hope SITI AISHAH BTE AZENI does'nt cancel our plans for our USA trip in August. *HINT HINT AISHAH!
(:
Shall grab some much needed sleep, till then,
ahn-nyeung hee-ga-se-yo ! (:
yours truly
2:10 AM
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the wait is over.
good evening world!
Its a rainy sunday evening and i'm back from my taiwan trip.
In summary, i had a whole load of fun!
We visited theme parks, scenic areas outside taipei, went around window shopping, because basically taipei had its entire town selling winter clothings. Throughout our stay there the weather was cold! Our trip to the leofoo theme park got us extremely unprepared for a below 10 degree celcius weather that had us "freezing our nipples off" ; as azhar puts it ! Lol!
The weather in taipei was fabulous! 13-19 degrees throughout our stay.
Unfortunately, to all those who are expecting that we bought something for you guys in singapore, WE DID"NT GET ANYTHING!
because there was nothing we could get for ourselves either! Lol.
Food was good..especially the Japanese food we had. Their Sashimi is extremely fresh and thick, i'd like to say that it almost melts in your mouth down your esophagus!
The thought of it is mouth-watering!
As much as i did want to come home to see the people i missed..I really did'nt feel like going home at all! Especially the thought of having to work tomorrow!
Am on NIGHT shift!
Wish me luck!
And thanks to the dearest boyfriend for surprising me at the airport when we got back!
Missed you!
Next stop with Ying Bing& Azhar;
Korea/Melbourne! (:
*woo-hoo!
P.S: Pictures up soon, but if you inisist, visit my facebook/friendster profiles! (:
To azhar&yingbing, i've uploaded ALL the pictures into my facebook and tagged you guys as well! (((((:
yours truly
5:35 PM
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tough luck
my first night on halloween was bad, 2 events left me fairly traumatized that night and led to the need to write up a memo for the mistakes made. Which i've been've trying to learn to forget and move on. As a colleague puts it, i'll learn from there. but 4 admissions, 2 transfers. I made 2 of the transfers, one to far away island kent ridge wing. And accepted 2 cases as well.
I had a sleeping day following that night and was called up to replace another colleague on sunday. It was a slightly less busy shift, but, unfortunately this particular patient had collapsed twice and he eventually passed on..had our fair share of admissions. My admission at 5am in the morning however, was basically filling up documents and making calls to arrange for a coroner's case for my patient.
And just when i thought the past 2 nights were bad.
I'm starting to feel like i'm a jinx when it comes to me doing night shifts. Like some of my colleagues have put it.
And so, LAST NIGHT, which i'm still pretty exhausted from has indefinitely redefined the word stress.
I started the shift with a very heavy intubated with IABP case. She was rather ill and required very frequent hanging of drips and replacement medications as her serum pottassium and calcium levels were low. She was on basically 6 running medications at handover and of course there were routine bloods and the standard nursing care i had to provide for her as an intubated patient.
I also had another patient, who was your typical post angiogram STABLE patient UNTIL, he decided to code on me. And all hail the almighty e-cart. The next 2 hours was spent stabilizing him, intubating him, running inotropic support, inserting the necessary lines and what not.
Hours later, he was found to be severely acidotic, and anuric. And the decision was made to carry out dialysis.
I freaked out, well not that i'm afraid of the dialysis machine, but it meant a very busy night ahead. Considering the fact that the unit already had numerous admissions! And my patient had just added to the acuity of the unit.
Dialysis meant that another line had to be inserted, trained staff had to be roped in to help initiate dialysis. I had wanted to assist in the entire scrubbing process, but when my other intubated patient's Blood pressure was crashing on me, i really did'nt have any fucking choice!
And top the night up with a few blood samplings, low blood pressures with both my intubated patients, together with regular infusions, advanced and basic nursing care..ecetera. I was literally running around for 14 hours, even post shift. The chance to break was almost unthought of and the moment i stepped out of the ward, i felt like i had just run a marathon.
Call it disgusting or whatever you want, i gulped down my breakfast at home and slept immediately after.
I'm glad i'll be off for 2 days. And i thank all my colleagues for helping me and encouraging me throughout the night.
It was very much needed..i'm extremely grateful.
I hope my upcoming night shifts will be less eventful. I seriously need to feel like luck is STILL always at my side on night shifts.
Whatever it is, i survived the night! And i think it has given me the strength to overcome more that'll come my way.
All i need right now, is theinesh s/o packirisamy. probably the only one who can make me feel a little more sane and sort out all my mixed feelings. Frankly i'm still trying to get over the events on my first night..and of course last night.
Till then..
Cheerios!
P.S: CRIT CARE IS STILL ♥♥♥♥♥
(:
yours truly
3:33 PM
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